Scenes from a Marriage # I've lost track

Jex and I have been spring cleaning recently. Trying to really get rid of crap that has started to accumulate in our lives.
While on this road crawling with dustbunnies and surprise spiders Jex decided he would take on our little reading nook. All by himself. For a long while all was well, then he called me over to organize my books the way I wanted them.

This is what I was greeted by.

The Book Tower; Architect: Jex. Built in commemoration of Ashes' excellent taste in literature.

The light heart lives long, my friends.

Sunshine 2013

Jex and I had to go to the Sunshine State for some stupid military stuff. So we decided to make a trip of it and visit our super rad friends who we miss so dang much!
You remember the posts I did about a year ago about the long ass trip we took from one coast of the U.S. to the other right? Riiiight? Yeah them.
This time we got to fly. Yay! So it took 1 rather than 4 days. Well it would, if we could ever get out tickets squared away.
There's this funny thing the military likes to do: completely forget about the dependent. Doesn't matter if you're the spouse, child, or mother who lives with ya'll because of extenuating circumstances, if you are not the military member they sometimes forget that you exist. After weeks of talking to every person we got handed off to and promised that the tickets would be taken care of the day we were supposed to leave I still had no ticket, as far as we knew. We decided to just go to the airport anyways, maybe things would work out for the best.
We walked up to the ticketing counter and to the person behind the weird castle wall they've got going on. Lo and Behold, I had a ticket! YES! But Jex's ticket had been refunded. The travel office opened 30 min before our flight was supposed to leave. So we waited and called and waited and called again and prayed and waited and someone picked up the phone! After about 10 minutes the super rad chick at the travel office had Jex a new ticket and we were off. That chick is so getting cookies.

We got to Sunshine, not many problems later and waited for Cait not to DIE driving through the scariest city on the west coast. Then we drove 5 hours north to where she and her lovely little fam have made home for a little under a year now.
It was soooo good to see them again. God knows how much we've missed their distinct and shiny presence in our lives. Cait is the only one who can take my complaining for what it is, venting. Then turn around and give me super radtastic advice. It also helps that we're kinda married to the same person.
Whoa, whoa now. We're not actually married to the same person. Our husbands just tend to be semi-clones of one another on the personality level a lot of the time.

Pterodactyl and Kitten have gotten so BIG! They're still the most adorable things ever. Pterodactyl is talking now and she's super astute. Kitten is in danger of being sold from time to time, but he's still the sweetest snuggle bug. Two is a hard age.

Then we drove back to where we had to do our thing. Bought armloads of Japanese goodies from the super cool Japanese mall we found. Melon Cream Soda how I've missed you!

Now we're home, cleaning everything, trying to downsize and get rid of unnecessaries.

Picture time!

Everyone loved these silly disguise glasses

Remember these magical toys?

Best Picture Ever

Uncle Jex and the Pterodactyl

The Gaggle Rock

Helping

Kitten was tired. He is also made of lead.

Look!

Underwater shot with the super rad Olympus Tough. I love that thing.

Kitten and he's pretty mama.

Jex looking all thoughtful and stuff

Pretty

Pterodactyl's favorite things right now are sharks. She's so awesome.

This Jellyfish reminded me of a wedding gown

Sea Lion 

Hurry take a picture, we're passing the Dreamworks Studios!!! Oh we were so lost. 

What? Me addicted to Japanese junk food? You must be confusing me with another dashingly handsome fellow with an armload of goodies.

Taiyaki Pan! It was so hard not to buy this

And this guy. 

I would've gotten a better picture but we literally ran from one flight to the connector and barely made it

Have a lovely week all of you.
The light heart lives long~ <3 p="">

I want a scanner

Not only would it make my life easier... well it would just be a fun thing to have. So that I didn't have to take pictures of all the artwork I did for the challenge. Yeah...

Anyways here is a dose of Marriage Giggles thanks to Jex.

Jex: Have you taken your Appelopolis today?
Me: You mean acidophilous?
Jex: Yeah.
Me: No.
The acidophilous is kept in the fridge. Which my husband walks over to opens and as he's taking the chew-able allegedly strawberry flavored tablets out of the fridge he makes this adorable little baby dinosaur 'rawr' sound before announcing : "Acidopolis, made from real dinosaurs." *cute rawr*

I love this guy.

My marriage is weird....

So Jex stubs his toe on my first gen Playstation2.

Looks like this.

And comes over telling me to fix it.
With a sigh I look over to see that his pinky toe has been sliced across the top. What are the corners of the PS2 made of, blades?! After fixing him up I give him a hug. Then a kiss and another hug.

Jex: Did the blood make you horny?
Me: What? No.
Jex: You sure are lovey.
Me: *shrugs*
Jex: So it makes you horny; you're just hiding it.
Me: No!
Jex:*cups my boob* You're horny!
Me: My boobs can't tell you that I'm horny, you weirdo.
Jex: You're boobs tell me lots of things... like when you're asleep.
Me: You touch my boobs when I'm sleeping?!
Jex: Well yeah, you can't tell me to stop then.
Me: Gah! I'm done talking to you.... and I'm putting this on Scenes from a Marriage!
Jex: Ok, but put the whole thing on.

For the record I am not a vampire. My husband however is a bonafied creeper. Though vampire chicks are always super gorgeous... maybe that wouldn't be so bad.

The Light Heart Lives Long

Man, typing a post is sooooo much easier with a key board.

Advanced Auto Rave

I thought about having posts of my marriage scenes, events, moments as something like "Fraking Friday" or "I Spy". Then I blinked. Jex and I have such a weird off the wall life that some times we don't do anything for weeks, or we're not together for weeks, or we're driving for weeks. So, it can't be a staple of my blog, but it is still the biggest part of my life, so it will get written about.

This story begins with the first walk that Jex and I have taken together in three months, round about. We used to walk and just talk and be together a lot more often, when the world was a cooler place and we had cars that weren't broken. In order to not have to climb through the window when my husband doesn't want to get out with me we needed to replace the door handle.
Because my husband is a man, and there for forever 4 years old on the inside, he likes to tell me he's not coming in, watch as I climb out the window, then roll up my window for me, get out, and lock the car. All the while grinning like he's won some kind of competition.
There's an Advanced Auto Parts up the street from the house where we've been staying for the last couple of weeks (thank you Tristan and Cait!!!). We haven't walked in a while, so I invite Jex to come walk up there with me to get the door handle replacement.

We get to the store and I go straight to the line and trade looks with "Jerry" as the customer ahead of me fights with a large box to get a look at the strut he just bought. Before boxing it back up and taking his leave.
It's been about 5 seconds, waaaay past Jex's attention span unless there are pretty colors and fantasmic music, and out of habit I glance around to see where he's got to... and what he may be playing with.
Over the radio Lady Gaga's Poker Face is just queuing up.
My husband is in the aisle behind me, the aisle with all the colored LCD lights that can be attached to your vehicle and he has a full on rave going on. No, he didn't just randomly push buttons like some kind of kid. This man has artistically and perfectly synced a large portion of the light strips in beat with the song playing over the radio. It was like an amateur Daft Punk light show.
Suddenly I was reminded of why I like him so damn much.

In less sappy news I can now get in and out of my car without climbing through the window. Yay!

The Light Heart Lives Long

It happens....

Roar... ?
Since Jex left I've kinda lost my will to do much of anything. I know most of you Veteran married peoples are going to be like 'pshaw you young newliweds and calling each other every day to say "I love you!"' He's only been gone for like 16 days! It doesn't matter I want my evil jerk back! I can't get anything done without him around to keep me on track!
But thanks to my friend the Platypus I decided that I need to give my blog more love. I may even post every other day. *Le~gasp*

I'm so excited it's almost HALLOWEEN!!! Gah! Not only do I get to dress how I wish I could dress every day, but I get candy AND presents (since it's my birthday). In less than a week I'm going to make the most chocolatiest birthday cake EVAAAR! Because if I can't have sex fun on my birthday then I'm going to have chocolate, with little cookie tombstones on top. And when I can't eat it all then Beowulf and Superdude at the Green Dragon (my favorite nerdtastic place in Sandland) will probably appreciate a piece or two.

Lets seee... I think I'm on day 13 of the 30 day challenge...
What do we have here?

Share a Secret, huh?

Oooooh that's a tough one. Most of my secrets are secret for a reason. Hell I'm the girl who when asked "what color are your underware?" by dudes looking to freak me out I pulled the band up from the back and looked at it before answering. I don't even know if I have a secret I can share without feeling all freaked out.

Hmmmmm... *strokes imaginary beard* Uh.....

Okay. I think I got one. Right before going to College I had just broken things off with Jex for a myriad of reasons. Between my Parents saying things like "I will not be a part of something I do not condone" and having communication issues with Jex on top of personality traits he picked up from being deployed to an Army base as support in the desert I just couldn't handle it. Love should not be the cause of so much suffering! DAMNIT!
So when I went to College I was like: Woooo! Fresh start!
It was then that I realized how A-sexual I really am. I just don't care about the opposite sex like I'm supposed to. In all honesty I would rather see a woman's body than I man's mostly because the curves are very artistically pleasing. That and the same woman can change shape based on the time of month or the stress she's under.
There were a few guys I thought were pretty cute, like Cowboy and Ceasar (honest to God that is what people called them) but meh. Get us together with pizza and beer and a few video games or whatever and it'd be a party, but meh.
It was then that I thought that I was forever going to be single. Jex was the only guy that really drew me in... ever. Sure I love the crap out of my guy friends. Oh I love love love them (like Marc!). But not like that. It still feels weird sometimes to admit to myself that I really don't feel feminine or masculine at any given time. I just 'am'. Ya know?
Then, LUCKY ME, Jex took the time and money (and if you knew him you would understand why both of these are monumental considerations) to fly from Japan to Okla-freakin-homa to ask for a second chance. How can anyone say 'no' to that?! Not only that but, well, to be honest even though I broke up with him I'd never really wanted to. He's my one and only, I'm pretty sure there can be no other even if he died. So let's hope he stays alive for a good long time. (^_^) Because if he dies I'm screwed.... or rather the opposite there of.

PCS season is here again!

PCS= permanent change of station. It's a military term that, like with most military terms, is slightly stupid because 'permanent' usually means between 8 months to 4 years. It's a grand adventure to be sure, full of trouble, danger, monsters, and daring escapes.

It was a normal day in Sandy Land, hotter than God and brighter than any day has a reason to be. Jex sat at his desk doing his normal jobish things, secret and not so secret, when lo and behold the orders he had been waiting 2 years for get thrown on his lap. Sure they were half done and taped together in weird places, and were those teeth marks on the corner? It mattered not for the orders dictated that he find an apartment in a weeks time so that he could move to Sandy Land in two weeks.
Oh dear. Jex called upon his wife to run the red chariot around Sandy Land to find them a home worth living in. A place that was price worthy (prieswert, a german term since the english equivalent is evading me... ha ha alliteration), would allow a loyal furry companion, and within bicycle distance of the Great Fortress.
Wiffer Wife prevailed and found them a lovely place on the third floor. Open and perfect in size for all their Shtuff.

The couple then travelled to Jex's ancestral home of Podunk in the Georgia Mountains to procure all the Shtuff that William had been keeping in trust especially for this day. Finding a great chariot at a good price the family proceeded to load their Stuff for departure.

However, no one knew of the nest that hummed just below William's front gate. The great chariot was nearly full when Flying Beasts began to attack the family. Assbreaker Tony killed many with his mighty Cosmo, but too late. One of the black creatures assailed Jex and stung him under the eye! Jex killed the beast and asked for his wife's aid before the eye that was attacked swelled shut. It didn't help that one of the beasts had gotten Wiffer Wife's hand earlier that week and it was swollen like a balloon.
Will and Dizzy went for reinforcements. Nothing more could be done till the nest of Flying Beasts was destroyed (damn wasps). Lo, while they were gathering cavalry a great gust blew a mighty storm onto Will's little home and stranded him and Dizzy in the torrent. Jex despaired that the great chariot would ever be filled.
But they prevailed! With the chariot full Jex attached rinky the dinky red chariot to the back and began the long journey to Sandy Land. The fell storm found them on the way and made the roads slick. Other chariots travelling the same path crashed into one another, and the PoPo was out en masse for what the couple did not know.
Finally, at their destination Jex made to get the rinky red chariot off the great chariot so they could unload. But Rinky was Dead! Oh no, not Rinky! (stupid cheap battery)
Luckily a Security Forces enlistee was there to help at Wiffer Wife's pitiful plee for help.
Jex and Ashes, aka Wiffer Wife, hauled 6,000lbs of Shtuff to the 3rd floor. Jex carried a couch up the stairs by himself (and he looked soooo hot doing it!). Luckily the man who lived across the way was kind enough to help them get the last couch in the home.

All was well with Jex and Ashes, they had their place, away from the ancestral stomping grounds were the in-laws lived. Then more orders dropped in Jex's lap, these were covered in red tape and stupid sauce. He was to ship out for the Forbidden North, to train for more secret and not so secret stuff the Fortress needed from him. He was to leave his wife and be gone for nearly 4 moons! Ashes was not happy, but it had to be done. After living in Sandy Land for only 6 days Jex was taken to the Forbidden North and Ashes was left in the flaming hot Sandy Land, knowing no one and no thing familiar.
..... to be continued....

So yes, that is where we are right now. I am keeping busy though. Mountains of boxes don't unpack themselves. Maybe I can get pictures up when they're all gone!
Also I'm looking for a job to offset the massive amount of money I have to spend come September. Yay bride's maid dress! Hooray Within Temptation concert! AHHHH! I'm so excited!!!! *ahem*
I'll catch up with everyone and everything when life finds a rhythm. Till then: love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe!
(God I love Spell Check!)

hot knives and 0 stupid 30

Of Hot Knives...

My husband is a genius, but I swear he forgets that sometimes.
While playing with a candle he lit his knife on fire... put it out... noticed how hot it was, and with a rakish grin promptly folded it and stuck it, hot metal against his skin, in it's usual place on his waistband.
I'd like to think of myself as a good wife. In my concern for my husband's well being I ran and got a cup of cold water to cool the metal so it wouldn't burn a hole in his side.
He didn't want me to save him. But damnit I was going to. So I chased him into the bathroom where I promptly had my helping hand slammed in the door. No really he crushed the cup and the knuckles on my palm when I was intelligent enough to think I could splash him and retract my hand before doom ensued. Weird thing is, though it hurts like hell, there's not a single mark to show that love hurts... especially when it closes doors on you.

And 0 Stupid 30...

Assbreaker Tony, one of my 2 father-in-law's, just got out of heart surgery. He had to have 5 bypasses done. Yeah, I thought the max anyone could ever need was 4, shows you what I know about the cardiovascular system and procedures.
The night before we went to visit him in the hospital I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like I was suffocating. Got over it after Jex so sweetly opened the windows and turned on the fan.

Assbreaker Tony is doing ok surgery wise, no complications of a life threatening nature have arisen. Unfortunately he's having a lot of pain and his blood oxygen is a little lower than the doctors want. As far as I know he's still in ICU and will be till further notice. Which is driving him insane.

Knowing he's in no real danger we got back to Podunk from Atlanta near midnight. I was so tired. So tired that my usual 30-90 minute wind down time before I got to blissful sleep was cut down to 3 or less. Yeah.
But wouldn't you know that my body hates me? It does. Because I woke up at 0 stupid 30! 4:30 AM! What the crap is that?! Nothing is on TV at 0 stupid 30, we don't have internet at the house most the time, it's too dark for me to feel comfortable walking by myself in the wooded outskirts of Podunk. I ended up taking that walk anyways all 5k of it, and I stopped to pet every dirty country dog that wagged it's tail at me, and at every black berry bramble on the way to steal some of the juicier berries from the birds.

It's not even noon yet and I've been up for 6 hours. This feels so weird.

Some Happy

Before I lose internet I want to catalog some happy.
And for those of you who know me, yes 0600 is ungodly early in the morning for me. The only reason I'm up is that I couldn't sleep all night. Thank you weird shadows dancing at the foot of the bed.

Anyways that's not the point.
So my best friend from grade school got in contact with me again recently. I'm going to call him Platypus here for the sake of not remembering what I'd called him the first time I mentioned him. (Okay so I remembered after a few paragraphs, it's CM... but Platypus is more interesting)

I'm so happy! We talked and I feel better than I have all week! (it was a rough one for both of us) And he said one of the most encouraging things I think I've ever heard in my life.

"...You get to curl up next to a man who loves you makes you laugh kills scorpions and can believe in a land where midgets steal socks and people throw fireballs at dragons
i'd say you got the best deal out there."

Do you know how good it is to hear some one else praise your man?! If you don't it's the best thing ever! And he's so right!

I am one lucky girl and I just want to shout out the internet that I'm so happy to be with Jex! So very giddily happy.
I hope this newlywed thing doesn't wear off, it's awesome.

Not only that but I have two of the bestest best friends anyone could ever ask for and then some. If my life consisted of only Jex, Platypus, Solace, Norie, Michelle and Fiero I would count myself the luckiest person in the world.
But I have even more! And the bloggers I've been able to read and interact with (Chicken and Dazee mostly) have been fantastic additions to life.

I know it may sound like I'm gloating or something. It's just rare that I have so much happy it's literally bursting out. I'd like to remember this moment.

Blessings and Happy to all! If misery loves company I want to spread Happiness like the plague.

I'm at Daddio's again. I pray to God every time we flop guest bedrooms that it will be for the last time. Today was good though; I really wish I hadn't forgotten my camera at Will's (note: the picture above is from the last time we went to the lake right before Easter).

Abrigirl went on a walk with Jex and me. Now remember, our walks aren't short, nor do they necessarily stay on any sort of beaten path. At first she pumped her little 3 year old legs to keep up with us. Then Jex picked her up and stuck her on his shoulders (I don't think I've told you how attractive he is when he's indulging small children... OMG!).

After picking almost every flower on the side of the road we made it to the lake.
You know those really unrealistic perfect family moment's that are depicted on Hallmark Cards and in Hallmark Movies and sometimes on the girly cable channels? It was one of those moments. Getting Abrigirl out of her white butterfly sandals so she could splash around chasing green guppies in the water. Her squeals of delight at finding muscle shells and having Jex lift her out of the water onto the floating dock. And my most favorite thing ever, watching little kids mimic the adults near by.
Jex skipped the crap out of some rocks. No literally one of them was spinning so fast it literally propellered itself over the surface of the water instead of skipping (I'm so sad I didn't have my camera). Abrigirl tried to mimic his stance and how he was throwing the rocks. She figured out really quick what kind of rocks he was throwing and was picking out the best flat rocks on the lake shore. It was the perfect little family type moment. It was very fulfilling.

I don't like water. I haven't had a reason to relate the story as to why I don't like water, but I'm sure it'll come up eventually. However the place we visited today had chips of mica scattered all over the beach. It was beautiful.
Best part of all: I didn't get sunburned. Woo!

Summer's Gifts

Mosquitoes...
I'm allergic; though not in the puff up and die sense. It's more along the lines of get bit twice near my elbow and lose 20% of my range of motion in that joint. A bite near the eye means I look like a lopsided goldfish (or at least I feel like one with a squinty eye).

Summer and Mosquitoes go together like Hotdogs and Mac-n-Cheese.

Bees...
I like honey bees. They're so cute! Recently I also developed my taste for honey (code for: my husband made me eat the icky sticky stuff so often it doesn't suck so much)so honey bees are that much more awesome.
So while driving from Will's to Daddio's when a honey bee slammed into the open window jam while I was cruising at not-so-posted speeds and ricocheted into my lap, not only was I heart broken that she was going to die, I nearly swerved into the oncoming lane; the thought of "STINGER!" screaming through my head. Surprisingly enough she slowly came to and Jex was able to send her back out the window.

84 degree weather that feels more like 104 degree weather...
Apparently while growing up I developed an affinity for cold weather and an intolerance for hot. Then again I'm pasty white with freckles, the sun is not my friend. Besides the fact that I'm a firm believer in 'if it's hot, take it off' and unfortunately there's only so much one can take off... and I don't plan on moving to a nudist colony. Wait, come to think of it.... nope still not moving to cali..er I mean a nudist colony.

Fresh Veggies...
Probably my favorite part of summer is the fresh cucumbers and wild onions that sprout up just begging to be made into a sweet and salty salad.

Slushies...
Then again I eat these bad boys year round. It is never too cold for a slushie.

Gardening...
If I had a house I would have a garden, and it would be the best dern herb and edible flower garden in all of north Georgia! Notice how I don't like growing things unless I can eat them. *haha!*

Sandals...
I can now wear my Zena sandals. Yes, I have a pair of knee high roman esque sandals and I love them. I'm so white I don't even have to worry about tiger stripe tans. Though that would be cramazingly fun. Comparing tan lines is to girls like comparing scars (or scrapes) is to guys... and I would totally win.

Get-togethers that aren't for family only...
I don't know if it's just a misconception I have from growing up so far away from most my relatives or if it's just from learning to be an adult while learning how to function in foreign cultures but most American holiday's are geared towards the family coming back together. In the summer though it's not about cleaning your house so that Aunt Gladys doesn't sneer at your 'dust and clutter' or 'making a moist turkey by God, to prove to my mother I can cook' or coming near tears when you accidentally burn the pumpkin pie... or the sleep deprivation from cooking ALL NIGHT. In the Summer you have your neighbors over for a glass of ice tea on your porch, because it's a nice day or to a little neighborhood cookout with a few families, my turn to bring dessert!
I don't know if it's like that everywhere, maybe just the south. But it makes me miss the closeness of overseas airbase communities; and 60's television shows.

Summer and all that goes with it.

Dear Mother Nature,
Thank you for making spiders to keep the grasshopper population in check, and flies to keep the poo in check, and balancing out everything so nicely. I have no idea why you made centipedes (except maybe just to freak me out) but I'm sure they have a purpose. So as to keep them in your circle and not flushed alive please keep them away from me. Thank you, Ashes

I'm noticing that I have an affinity for bugs. We're not talking butterflies and ladybugs, even grasshoppers would be ok. We're talking the nasty creepy bugs. You may remember the scorpion snuggling up to me in bed incident. Luckily the centipede did not decide to snuggle up to me, he just happened to be meandering across the floor.
Having creepy crawlies find their way to me is such a normal occurrence that my dear husband decided to prank me... in the shower.

Jex: Ashes! There's a scorpion on the ceiling!

Ashes: Wha~! *looks up with fear and soap on her face*

Jex: *tosses a bit of twig that has the basic shape of the small brown scorpions that live here at the ceiling so it ricochets into the shower.*

Ashes: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *notices it's not a scorpion* I'm gonna kill you!

Jex: *laughs his way out of the bathroom*


Oh yes, I forgot my other blog is http://epicfailanoobstail.blogspot.com/ for the inquiring minds.

To blog a Blogger

Dear Bloggers that I folow~
I would've commented on all the fine blogs that you have posted this week, if I could. Blogger is having some technical difficulties recently and are working on the problem. I just wanted to let you guys know that I still luv you and enjoy reading what you take the time to type up. Thanks for making the internet a better place.
~Ashes
______________________________________________________

The Tailbone is healing.
I'm back to being knee deep in the NerdKingdom once again. This time in the little side provence of BellStrong Jex, Will, and I are taking turns running the awesome nerdness! I recount most the adventures in my other blog for anyone who's curious. Tomorrow the entire Baker's dozen of us are getting together for a day filled with fun: after nearly a month apart. Yay! And I don't have to cook this time! *happy face*

Speaking of cooking I discovered this morning that I have no talent for gravy making.
My mom has always made gravy with cornstarch. Jex is okay with it, but he grew up with the down home southern white gravy made with flour that could pretty much be a meal in of itself. Me being the kinda sorta new wife that I am jump at every opportunity to make something he likes. The first time I made white gravy it had the consistancy of jello. This morning I tried again and I was left with dough.
Okay, no problem I'll just add more milk. Then it resembled overcooked oatmeal. Uhhhh... more milk? The result: Soup.
Setting aside the pan I decided to just make french toast, something I knew I could do. In the end I ate the should-have-been-gravy with toast. At least it tasted good.

Dash like a Warrior!

I've been waiting patiently for photos to be posted online so that I could have an epic montage of warrior awesome, including my flaming red Koolaide hair from the previous post.
ALAS, I have been duped yet again! Yes they took my picture, no problem, but now I have to pay anywhere from 20 to 50 bucks to own said pictures. Yeah right.

Luckily I have an awesome husband who remembered to bring his camera and took some good pictures of us.



Without further ado; my tail of daring Dashing as a Warrior.

Camo shirt: check. The only pair of shorts I don't mind ruining: check (dang these things are shorter than I remembered!). Trashy socks: Come to think of it most my socks have holes in them.
I had everything ready for the big race. Jex and I had been training for over a month so that I didn't die. My goal was modest: finish the 5k obstacle race (technically 3.2 but who's measuring?) in the top 25%. Get a fuzzy viking hat and free ice cold beer, and maybe a turkey leg.
We arrived early. My husband, my brother-in-law Will, and I were a little excited. Till Will saw the climbing wall. He wasn't too keen on that particular obstacle. There were so many people dressed sooo weird. And some just plain cool.
Like this guy.

and this guy.

After getting the lay of the land, and a few dorky before shots, we got our running gear (bibs and timing chips)and got ready for our wave.
We were in the second to last wave on the last day of the race. There was a beefy man dressed like William Wallace in sweats, A school girl, and another (more convincing) William Wallace kilt and all in our group... oh yeah and a dude in a pink prom dress with his buddy in a suit with a mullet wig. Ooookaaaaay.
The announcer guy counted us down and flames shot out from the top of the 'Start' sign and we were off like a heard of freaked out sheep. Including me because my leg got caught up in the ribbon that had been tied across the starting line a moment before. We ran down hill as a thundering pack, then up a small hill people started dwindling behind me. Including sweatpants William Wallace, as muscular as he was I thought he was some big health nut; nope turns out his muscles were just for show.
Around the bend when the road went from paved to gravel a few passed me but even more stopped running. The walk through the shallow of the lake dropped more. Then over the wrecked cars and through the field of tires. I felt like I was running in the postapocalyptic backdrop of a zombie flick. It was awesome! I climbed over walls, ran through mud and scraped the crap out of my knees. The slide was the only thing that hurt. That tarp down the side of the hill that they were spraying down with water hid all rocks; but it's okay my tailbone found them. By the time I got to the last mudpit I thought I'd done really good for myself and passed another two contestants. Woo! Through the last little lake and over the logs in the way and the finish line made of fire was MINE!


Afterwards we felt sore, amazing, I somehow got mud on my teeth and didn't notice, and we all loved the ice cold free beer. Yes, I am a Warrior. I made the 3.2 miles in 28minutes and 49 seconds, including obstacles. Maybe I'm bragging a little bit. *Innocent Face*
Will after the dash.
My man! (who made it in 22minutes; gah he makes me look bad! *laughs*)
Water. Good.

Past Blasting

OH MY GOSH! *squeeeeeee*
My best friend from elementary school just contacted me via FaceBook! Memories of him were the things that got me through middleschool and gave me hope for finding friends in highschool after running up against those people that make one into a puddle of self doubting goo. So, for him to suddenly reappear! *excited girl scream* I'm so excited to see what CM has been up to and do the whole 'catch up' dance. Yay!

I think Jex is a little jealous. He made a pouty face when I told him CM was one of my best friends, my first true best friend. Jex has been my best friend for 6 years and will be for the rest of my life; but this new comer, who's throne Jex technically usurped, is a threat. *laughs* I'll just have to remember to give Jex a little extra attention.

If a blogger blogs and no one reads it...

...is it worth the time it takes to type?
If a ninja falls in the forest does it make a sound?
If Ashes is in CiCi's pizza will she keep score of everyone's pizza crust as if it were some kind of SuperBowl game?

Anyway...

My husband and I have had an interesting few days. Between waking up to a scorpion crawling where nothing has business crawling about, losing Jex's phone for 3 days, finishing an epic nerd game (yes I play dungeons and dragons), having little internet, and then finally Jex getting tuckered out by a 3 year old.

Story #1: The Scorpion.

Technically Jex and I are still considered newly weds. If you can be newly weds after being best friends for nearly 6 years. So, after the usual I was half asleep in bliss when I felt something crawl on my butt. Brushing it off I thought it was just the covers sticking to me a little. Then I felt it on my leg, which was weird, but I still thought it was the sheets. Then I felt it where no bug should ever crawl and there were no sheets there. Something with multiple legs, and roughly the size of a 50 cent piece, was crawling on me under the sheets.
Jex says I was flipping out like a little girl who just saw her doll get eaten by a lawn mower, but I felt like I was flipping out like an adult woman who'd just been violated by a creepy crawly while in her safe place. Somehow while the flipping out was going on I'd flung the creature onto Jex at which point he did a little dance and kicked all the covers back to sit on the end of the bed.
"Turn on the light so we can see what it is." His voice of reason sounded more like a choke.
Oh... right... the light. Reaching overhead I clicked on the light to see...

[[Background: There are only 4 things that reduce me to a flailing screaming mass of girl jello. Jumping spiders that land ON ME. Spider webs (or anything weird) to the face, I'm not talking just a string of web; I'm talking the whole freaking web. Ticks. aaaand.... ]]

... a scorpion crawling around in our bed like it owned the place. I instantly started looking for something witch which to kill it. Jex was more calm and chill about the whole thing. After a second of staring at our midnight assailant Jex asked for my coffee cup (I don't know why it was in the bedroom either), scooped it up, and flushed it. For some reason it didn't have the top half of it's tail, which saved me from a nasty sting as I was shooing it off of me in the covers.
Needless to say I had issues getting back to sleep.

Story 2: Jex's Houdini Phone

It's pretty simple really. My husband and I came in from Sprint training. I started laundry and dinner while he cleaned and rearranged Will's porch. He had his phone when he walked in the door... we have no idea where it went after that. For 3 days it was on, but it wouldn't let me call it. For 3 days we tore apart the car, the bedroom, and the living room. We looked under all the couches, in all the drawers, the bathroom, and under the porches. We dug our hands in beyond the space under cushions and recliners. No matter where we searched it wasn't there.
Today, I was messing with Will's recliner and asked if Jex had checked it. He said he did. Will noticed something reflecting that looked a little weird... it was Jex's phone, chillin' between the upholstery and the cushion where no hand had reached.

Story 3 will be posted on my nerdy blog: epicfailanoobstail for anyone who cares about the Nerd Kingdom.

Story 4: Abri-girl and Jex

Witchy has a granddaughter that has recently come to live with her and Daddio. Her name is Abri-girl, though I just want to call her Bumblebee. She's 3, has a speech delay and super loves Jex. To the point where she monopolizes his time.
As soon as we arrived at Daddio's she had him chasing her around, giving her horsey rides, and generally exerting energy. My husband, the master of play actually had to take a nap.
It was cute. If we ever have kids he'll be a good dad... if he can stay awake. *haha!*

Training, internet issues, and SuperSaiyan hair

Note, my internet is not reliable. With gas being STUPID per gallon I'm going to forgo driving the 15 miles to the library for 10 minutes of web time (yeah they suck). But when I'm at Daddio's we have wifi! Posting will me chaotic at best.

Okay so maybe I just totally gave away my exact age in the title, maybe not (probably just let the interwebs know how big of a dork/nerd I am). I lived to watch Dragon Ball Z and Sailor Moon on Saturday mornings, along with Gargoyals and Zeta project, and don't get me started on Batman Beyond.

Anyways none of that is the point. Point is my hair is YELLOW due to my husband asking me ever so sweetly to try and dye my hair blonde (with the promise that afterwards I could streak it with any color I so desired, purple and blue!). And I've been using the Super Saiyan joke/line to keep from breaking down and crying every time I pass a reflective surface.

What is this training I mentioned? Oh, well, it's marathon/strength training for Warrior Dash. I'm so stoked. I hate running with a passion, but throw in some obstacles, a finish line made of FIRE, a fuzzy viking hat, and a free pint of beer at the end and it's my new favorite thing. My husband, being the super special awesome military man, is in charge of our training regimen. But he let me pick out the order.
Distance run + strength training, fun cardio, easy sprints + strength training, sucky sprints, day of rest.
Today I did my 1/2 mile sprint in a little over 4 minutes. Before you laugh at me, I'd like to point out that there are LOTS of hills here. Yay mountain terrain. Since I thought that was pretty good I rewarded myself with a rootbeer float. Because there's nothing like negating your progress when doing something you hate. lol
Jex makes me feel like a fatty. He runs the same pace I do with a freaking 20lb backpack. Stupid in shape husband made of lean muscles and stuff. (^_^)

the 80's are out there

Ok, so for most of you the 80's don't seem like that long ago. Heck, even I feel like they've only just ended, and I didn't even really grow up in them (early 90's foo).
But they are definitely over, and certain aspects of the 80's have the ability to make me bust a gut every time,.

So when my father-in-law (who will henceforth be known as Dadio)found an old 80's work out shirt and tried to convince us that it belonged to Jex I thought I was going to die. Dadio has a handle bar mustache and slicked back thinning hair; imagining him in the little cut off gray T was bad enough. But when Jex slid it over his aerodynamically muscled body and started doing Napoleon dynamite moves I couldn't take it. The fit of giggles was too much and literally rolled me straight off the bed.
The father and son banter was just a cherry on the cake.

Dadio: Man, you're so gay.
Jex: This is your shirt, that makes you gay.
Dadio: The 80's were gay! And it's your shirt, turd.
Jex: Admit it this shirt is yours.
Dadio: Nah, it must be one of Witchy's.
Jex: *Napoleon Dynamite Dance as his dad stands behind him and pretends his eyes are melting*

Yup... I love my in-laws

A Walk in the Woods

Well, if you read about the Mountain Bike adventure you'll know that when Jex, my knight in dinted armor, asked if I wanted to go on a bike ride the other day I said 'no.' in the sweetest way possible.
By asking to go on a walk instead.
There's a little piece of land about a quarter mile from my brother-in-law's that's Beautiful. If I can ever remember to bring my camera I'll post some pictures. It's my favorite place in all of Ellijay. So, when Jex said his usual "I'm following you." I lead him there.
We threw rocks from the top of the hill into the river through the trees. Then Jex found a perfect skipping stone. He was going to try to skip it across the river from the top of the hill. I suggested that we go down to the edge of the river instead. The hill at the end of the pseudo-driveway is very steep, covered in leaves, saplings, and blue white stone. When Jex spotted a 'trail' he decided to go follow. Turns out it was an erosion trail that dumped off a sheer 4 foot drop into the river.
Hmmm.
Jex looks up at me, and with the child-like grin that makes me fall in love with him again every time, he said simply: "Your turn, trailblazer."
Okay then. I took my perfect walking stick and went back up the hill a ways and found what looked like a good path from above, but turned out not to be so great in actuality. I promptly slid on the leaves that covered a rock and nearly into a tree. But now I was on a real path and we got to the river. There Jex skipped rocks I didn't know could be skipped and all was good.
On the way back up the hill, this time up a real path, I stepped on something under the leaves that snaked up and hit me in the butt. It felt too large to be just a stick. Turning around I saw a cleanly picked dear spine with broken ribs and a pelvis fused to it. I just had my butt smacked by a skeleton butt. Weird. Wait, there was another one... but no leg bones or head or anything like that.
It's about here I should mention that I never really grew out of my imagination as I grew up. Really, I'm not crazy.
All I can think of at this point is Werewolves. So, when Jex teasingly asks if I want to race up the hill I beat him to the top. Even with the fear that there's some large predator big enough to eat deer heads I still loved walking all the way back up to the road. There's something really great and soothing about the smell of fresh earth coming from your clothes from where you're covered in dirt.

Walking with my husband

Marriage weight. Someone somewhere cursed me with it (and don't deny it! I heard "I hate you for being skinny while eating brownies" all throughout high school), and even though it took a year and a half to find me, now I have this little extra squish that jiggles when I go up the stairs too fast.
Nooooo! My habits haven't changed (with the exception of three letter long married people stuff.) What the heck is this? *pokes squish*

So, my husband (who just got called by someone's 98 year old Pawpaw trying to get a hold of a Joseph, who just called back again... and my husband is just talking to the old guy and having a nice conversation. I love him!) is nice enough to go on walks with me. And tease me till I feel the need to chase him, and con me into playing rock paper scissors to see who has to carry who up the hill, and make me push him up the hill just because.

Walking with Jex is something like the Olympics of walking. It's never just a route around the neighborhood or block. It's usually a mile and a half experience that includes a few obstacles, side quests, and aggravation. But hey, I've lost a pound and a half. (man I use a lot of parenthesis)