Tuesday, November 30, 2010

What's Sakin' Bacon?

For those of you who don't know I don't have a kitchen. Even with this I'm expected to make lunch for my dictat...er... husband every day. And this doesn't mean sandwiches (have you seen the price of sandwich meat?! It's stupid!!!) this means a variety of things to keep him from getting bored. So, I've learned to use my rice cooker in new and amazing ways. *hugs rice cooker*

Now that you have a back story I can tell you what's going on. I have to bake some breakfasty stuff for tomorrow, tonight, for Jex to take to work tomorrow. My sweet husband kindly told me all of this during his lunch break today.
Note: I'm also sick.
Lucky for me the price of borrowing my friend's oven is only 3 lemons. While I'm there I think I'll make a little extra of my breakfasty foods for her too.

In other news, tomorrow is my pelvic ultrasound. I've dealt with random stupid pain in my woman part region for something like 5 years. It's gotten less intense and frequent as I've gotten older so I don't think much of it anymore. Low and behold now that I'm 23 people are actually listening to me. It's great I love it!
Everyone lies to you when they say you're an adult at 18. It's almost like 18-24 are the probationary period of adulthood and 25 is when you're finally allowed to ditch the training wheels. But I digress.
Point is that something is finally going to get resolved. Either they're going to find something, or their not and I can assume that I'm crazy or it's gas from here on. In both cases there's closure and I'm so stoked for that!

Has anyone (both of you) who reads my blog ever played a game called 'Kings'?
Waaa~! It's super fun. All you need are drinks (alcoholic or not is up to you, either works fine), a deck of cards, and a large cup or glass for the center of the table.
Let me explain the cards so that you too can play!
King: The first three people to draw a King have to put some of their drink in the center cup, however much they want, and make up a rule for everyone to follow till the next King is drawn (for example: every one must now speak in a dialect, or: no elbows on the table) anyone who forgets the rule has to take a drink. The last person to draw a King has to drink whatever concoction is in the 'Kings Cup' at the center of the table.
Queen: When the Queen is drawn you have to speak in questions to one another, questions that make sense (for example: Is anyone else cold? Is the thermostat even on? Where's my coat? Why haven't you kept track of your coat? Did you even bring your coat? Oh come on who's actually cold? and so on till some one messes up) if you just answer the question you have to drink and the next person draws a card.
Jack: Jackagories (Categories) the person who draws the Jack picks a category like flowers, cars, dog breeds, languages, ect. And starts off with the first one, everyone goes around and says things in the category. You can't say the same thing twice. When it gets to some one who can't think of anything or messes up they drink. next card.
10: Never have I ever. You only hold up three fingers for this one.
9: Rhyme: Simple, go around starting with the person who drew the card and rhyme words till you can't come up with anything else, the person who can't rhyme anymore drinks.
8: is Date. You choose another person at the table, you are now 'dating' every time you drink they have to drink and visa versa.
7: Heaven, every one has to raise their hands. Last person to do so has to drink
6: Chicks, girls drink.
5: Guys, men drink.
4: Floor. Everyone has to touch the floor (or table) last one has to drink.
3: Me. You drink.
2: You! Pick some one at the table to drink.
A: Water Fall. At the count of three everyone starts drinking. The first person able to stop is the person who drew the card. Then the person to his left, and so on. You can't stop drinking till the person to the right of you has stopped.
Set up: Shuffle the deck of regular playing cards well. Place the King's Cup at the center of the table and spread the cards in a circle, face down, around the King's Cup. Everyone get their drinks (be it a Tequila Sunrise or a Glass of Milk) and have fun!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

NaNoWriMo update and Heathcare Scares

As most of you know I'm writing a book for NaNoWriMo that has to do with Zombies.
I would like to announce that for a first draft it's going really really well. I've written about 2K words a day since NaNoWriMo started. Unfortunately, I'm only half way done with what I want to write and I've only got 10 more days (give or take a Wednesday or two).
Can anyone say Panic Attack? So I decided to dedicate a little more time to writing and less time to watching my favorite movies on AMC. (Like Aliens which they've played 4 times recently)
Hopefully I can get through the next two twists, the crescendo, and to an end of sorts before my 10 days are up. I'm not even looking for a clean ending at this point, I just hope I get it done.

And I'm really freaking out because I'm going to be going in for my first Pap next Wednesday!!!!
How is it I'm 23 and still have yet to have one done? Virginity, that's how. Virginity and a really good puppy face. Whenever the doctors would mention me getting a Pap I'd just look at pitiful as possible and beg for them not to make me because I didn't want my first experience to be a medical one. Haha!
Being married now, I can't play that card. So, I have to go in and submit myself to the torture of being female. I'm trying not to obsess over it. Not really doing a good job, but maybe my writing spree will keep it from my mind. *laughs*

The End? <-- this is how I'm probably going to end my book and this post.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Me and Myself

I was sitting down today thinking that I needed to change the back ground of my blog to fit my mood better. You know maybe a splash of color or something.

I sat and stared at my blog for a long time trying to come up with alternative designs and patterns and styles. Honestly I came up with a lot of them. But as I went through them they were all very changeable. If I chose one of them I'd probably change my blog style every other week, or something.

Then something hit me. A realization I hadn't quite grasped. I really didn't want to change my blog style or picture or any such thing. I wanted to change something about me.
Because, as I sit and stare at the picture I chose as the head of my blog I realized something. My blog is the image of myself.
I don't know when this happened or why. I just know that the way I styled my blog is a mirror of what I see when I look on my insides. (no not my guts and bones, my spiritual and mental insides)
Actually, it kind of made me happy that it was so serene, even if it got a little dark sometimes. Just stare at the picture of the temple ruins I have on my blog and see what you feel.

Maybe it's just the picture that's a mirror.

Either way, somehow as I did this I found an acceptance of myself I hadn't had before. And it feels really really good.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

NaNoWriMo, Depression, and Spirituality

NaNoWriMo: Idea is still clear, but my period has killed my drive.
Really, all I want to do is lay in bed and snuggle into warm pillows. I don't want to surf the net, write my campy but awesome story, or even watch cartoons! *le~gasp!* I've already promised myself I'd write 5K words today.
If my husband keeps hogging the bed and keeping me up I think I'll get it done before midnight.

Depression: I haven't had to deal with my depressant phases in a while. Not since our dog died. Thus I was very confused when I couldn't find any happy yesterday. The dark gloomy cloud I'm naming Tut-tut seems to have snuck into today as well. Hmmmm.... I must need more chocolate.

Spirituality: For those of you less Spiritually inclined just ignore this part of the post. Or read it if you want; you have been warned.
Church, something which has lost nearly all of its meaning to me. Nearly every time I talk to some one there's some kind of veneer over their face. They're more plastic versions of themselves and yet some how you can always see in their eyes how (in)sincere they are.
Recently I was very disappointed in a preacher who actually gave a lesson counter to the book that we're supposed to believe in. You know the holy one that bad translations of hide away in lots of hotel room nightstands. (haha! beating around the bush is fun!)
In retaliation we didn't show up this Sunday. Ha! take that big gathering of people who I don't know personally anymore. Instead we went to a chapel service on the base for several reasons, some of them being secret and stuff.
I was really upset. There was still no family bonding like there is supposed to be in a Church that professes to follow the Way the Truth and the Light, but the message was good and clear. It hit me as I think a message from Isaiah or Samuel would have.
Somewhere along the lines of growing up and changing into the married side of life I'd gotten back some old habits I thought I'd fought away. I'm still so stuck on other people loving and accepting me all the time that I compromise my everything. Somehow I've lost track of God and how exactly his total Awesome fits next to my life.
At times God is my everything that is secret, instead of just my everything that is.
What is God to me? What do I call the being that brought the universe into existence? What does he tell us he is?

So yeah that about sums it up. (^_^)Y

Thursday, November 11, 2010

11th of November, Veteran's Day.

Today's the day we remember the men and women who serve in the military. Like My Most Amazing and Wonderful Husband who I love with all my little heart!
There were a few plans for today, you know the classic American barbecue/grilling. Of course the Best Vet's marathon on AMC.
Sadly, I couldn't watch AMC's Best Vet's marathon thanks to someonewhowillremainnameless.
So now I sit here thinking about all the wars and such that have gone on in our past and the pride that people have for their soldiers makes me feel all warm inside at the same time it squeezes my heart until it pops like a little meat balloon.

My dad has been in the military for going on 20 some odd years. I grew up on military bases all over the world. It's a big part of who I am. Veteran's Day reminds me of all the old retired Army and Marine guys who've 'adopted' me over the years, my daddy, and my friend's parents.
Conversely it reminds me of the things my dad, Mr. Pat, and husband have told me about being deployed. My father, God bless him, is a medic. He gets to watch boys younger than his daughters die because, argh! I don't want to get on my soap box so I'm just going to leave it with: Suxors dood. Mr. Pat was in Vietnam, worst war ever from every angle I can see it.
War sucks. The end. Unfortunately it can be a cause for things like: economy recovery, the displacement of a totalitarian regime, and cool things like personal rights.

So today, take a second to remember some one you heard about being a soldier, either a long time ago or recently and smile for them. Just feel warm and fuzzy that there are still people who will go and deal with the shiz so you and I don't have to deal with it later.

I'd love to add a 'wives of veterans' foot note to veteran's day. You'll feel a personal stake in whatever war your man had gone to after a month and a half of being woken in the middle of the night to 'patrol' or 'take cover!' and other bleary unintelligible mumbles urging you somewhere other than your pillow.

Anyways. Veteran's day has proven to be yet another opportunity to reacquaint myself with my American roots. It's a rule of thumb that for every nonmajor, nonreligious, holiday American's will grill out. What they grill varies from state, province, and individual family. However getting outside and setting something on fire to cook your food over it is universal.
Honestly, I never really liked grilling out. The wind blew stuff into my food and it wasn't as peaceful as a Japanese style pick-nick. AND at the risk of sounding unamarican (which I often feel is the case) I don't like hamburgers. Meh.
I do however looooove potato salad.
I don't remember German's ever grilling. As far as my memory serves me the only time anything was grilled in Japan was either by a food vendor at a Festival or at a Yakiniku restaurant, both of which are vastly different surroundings when compared with a backyard get together.
So I tried to find some info. My google skills aren't really that great because my American English terminology is actually very outdated and frankly nonexistent.
But I did find a singular link that rabbit trailed me enough that my lack of understanding of this VERY American tradition lost a lot of it's interest.
The link has all the same information as the little news channel blog I found. Most the other links I clicked on said the exact same things. Meh.
Us Girls
My theory that American's are slightly obsessed with being Macho is being proven every day. lol

Happy Veteran's day everyone!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


I've been writing a book for 9 days now. The plot is simple and straight forward, though really nerdy, and on the edge of campy. It's encouraging to know that this is just a first draft. Later I will have time to go over my Zombie swarm scenes and make them more than three sentences long and fix all my lame, cliche, dialog into something less middle school.
Today I'm having a hard time getting to writing. Honestly, all I want to do is watch the Jeremiah reruns on Syfy.
Eventually I'll get around to writing again.

I want to share my Main Character though. I love them.

Simon Black: Snoody assistant director to a company called Luna Clear (it's a makeup company)
I have a hard time with his motivations because I made him a youngest son, and I'm an eldest daughter so I think differently. But I'm loving the challenge he presents. Doing the right thing for selfish reasons that gradually turn into the right reasons. I'm excited and frightened to be writing him.

Caelee McLeod: Teacher's Aide and freelance photographer/videotographer. I'm trying not to make her a clone of myself. Making her feminine and vulnerable while having a steel rod for a spine and a determination to survive has been fun and slightly embarrassing.

Blaine (who has no last name): Zombie enthusiast and pro-gamer. He's just a blast to write, and I shamelessly am making him a clone of one of my friend's little brothers. I love the things that come to mind when he's responding to an intelligently worded question. For example: "Dude, no." and "Sad day, man." XD! I love it!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Dear Corporate America

Dear Corporate America,
My throat would love it if you would stop forcibly shoving Christmas down it. Quite honestly pine trees don't go down very smoothly and the blood trail, though matching with the holiday color scheme, is really bad for my carpet.
Couldn't you wait until the day after Thanks Giving, or for heaven's sake November first? It's really disconcerting to see a Christmas tree in the middle of bat and witch shaped cookies.
I mean you're confusing the little kids. They're going to think that Santa is some demon who comes down the chimney to suck their blood.
It would be really nice if you could try not to look so eager to take every penny of our hard earned cash. We might forget how greedy and overpriced you are if you respect the Holidays and stop putting Santa hats on Turkeys and Christmas lights over the fake blood and gore.
Sincerely a very annoyed ex-customer.

A new Sunday and thoughts of "Home"

Today was an interesting day to be sure.
Church is like a big family. Especially when you used to belong to it as a child. Everyone you meet is like a distant cousin or an aunt you've only met a few times.
Today one of my "great uncles" couldn't get my husband's name right.
So now as a joke I'm going to call him Jeremy. Which is even funnier because Jeremy is actually my cousin's husband's name.
Hahahahahaha! I think it's funny anyways.

Another interesting thing about today is that it's Daylight Savings. Last night at midnight the clock magically reversed an hour in order to save daylight (don't ask my why, I've been told it's Benjamin Franklin's fault... something about saving candles. *shrugs*). So today has felt off for both me and my husband.
We just can't seem to get the time right. I'm sure it doesn't really help that we went from one timezone to another only a week before the time changed on us. lol

The final interesting thing about today is that I've been confronted with thoughts of home.
One of my best friends has a snowy background on her blog that reminds me of Germany. The picture fills me with feelings that I believe is normal for a person when thinking of home. My heart feels warm and my insides are at ease, there is a lightness to my breath and thoughts and a brightness to my face. To look at the picture makes me feel just plain good all over.
So I let my friend know about it.
In response she asked me to tell her about my home. At first I got all excited: "Yay! I get to share all of my happy!" and then I felt kind of panicked because I realized I don't just have one home. I did my best to give a short answer on her page, but I can't help but feel that isn't enough.
I've been thinking about it and I'd like to share my thoughts.

When I first came back the the United States of America I did not fit in. There was no one who thought the way I did, and even with my super powers of understanding that being a military brat has grown in me, I had a very hard time communicating how I felt and thought.
It was very frustrating to me when people would ask me where I was from. Because I had no easy answer. Did they want to know where I was going for the holiday break or did they want to know the last place I had lived? Not knowing what to say I'd rattle on about all the places I'd lived ending with where my family was from originally. The response was usually either nervous laughter or amazement that one person could actually exist in so many places in one lifetime.
The question of "where do you call home?" always made me upset. Home is not a plural word, it is singular. A person has one Home. Yeah sure, there are adds in the news paper for "Six homes under 250,000 dollars", but they're just using the word 'Home' out of context to hide the fact that they're trailer, mobile, or prefabricated houses.
With this line of thinking I became depressed because I felt that I would never be able to connect with the other students around me. Because I didn't have the one thing everyone else had: a Home. Later though, I came to the conclusion that everywhere I have felt happy and content is a place that I would call my 'home'. In reality I was very lucky and blessed by God to have more than one place that made me feel the way that others do when they think of their Home.

So I will tell you of my three homes. Originally there were only two, but as I was thinking I realized that I'd missed one very important place.

Home #1: My first Home, Colorado's Western Slope.
In the topmost west corner of Colorado is a town called Craig, it's a little south, down the mountain, from Steamboat Springs. Below Craig is another town called Grand Junction, it's in the valley at the base of the mountains to the south of Craig.
My father's family is from Grand Junction and my mother's family is from Craig. When I was a child I lived in Grand Junction and after we moved when I was 9 we visited every year for Christmas. It was home.
The sight of blue mountains with bald heads on the horizon that would light up red and gold as the sun set. Big thin Aspen trees, thick bodied cotton wood trees, ever greens, and weeping willows were the trees I climbed. Bees buzzing around in the orchard my grand parents had and in my grandmother's flower garden was a familiar sound. The grass was green and soft in the summer, brown and dead in the winter. Snow came at least once every winter and turned every hill into a slide. I love how it feels to have a warm body and a cold nose.

Home #2: Bitburg Germany.

When I was 14 we moved away from my home country. Being a homeschooled child I didn't have very many friends, but the friends I did have were very close to me. It was hard to move to a place where I could not understand everyone. What was more frustrating is when I could understand only half of what people were saying. We lived on the second floor of an old hotel called a Gasthaus. It was very hot in the summer because we had no air conditioning. Cows walked down the street to a pasture every day. My littlest brother was a baby, not even 2 years old yet. Being the oldest was hard because I was expected to learn everything to help everyone else. I went to highschool and learned German so that I could translate for my family. Once I could do that I started to feel more at ease.
I didn't understand everything, but I could understand enough that I could get to know people. We could come to an understanding using words I knew and they could teach me more words. I don't know when part of the German culture rubbed off on me, I think it may just come with learning another language, but it became my first New Home.
The food, warm and thick, filled with creme and spices. Like the people who were hearty, strong, polite, but never lied to you (well most of them didn't). Families lived together and helped each other. Cars were made to go fast and last a long time. Life there was tough for the Germans sometimes but they were tougher. Cathedrals of carved stone and colored glass were made to reflect the beauty that God had made and the possible beauty of heaven so that the worshipers could feel Awe. It was important to work together, to make concessions for others, to a point. You were never to lose yourself and you made your family name proud the best you could. There was also snow here. Unlike my first home though there were more open fields and trees I never learned the names of, but I loved over time. The sky wasn't blue in the winter it was white; whiter than the snow on the ground. The trees looked like black hands reaching up and lined with a sparkling layer of frost and snow. It was beautiful. Warm bread and cider and hot steamed Knodle filled with vanilla pudding and covered with strawberry sauce warmed your insides from the cold. Old stone roads that had been warn smooth by so many years were warm when the snow melted and almost soft to bare feet. I miss the stone, the carvings, and the laid back attitude that filled the spring air. I miss the butcher shops where one could pick out a goose that hung from the ceiling or a rabbit from the cooler. I miss Celery root and watercress and produce that came from the farm next door. Home made liqueur and the odd loving respect for the effects of alcohol. I miss the bike trails that wound through the farmland from dorf to dorf (village to village) and the smell of the bakeries as you passed. Gelato... oooh Gelato!
This is where I grew up, this is where I made myself into something even more unique than I already was, this is my home.

Home #3: Misawa Japan

I was already an adult in my mind when I moved to Japan. Though my heart was jumping for joy like a child's when we arrived. I chose my dream over college. Since I was 8 years old I had wanted to visit Japan. I loved the images that were printed in brilliant colors in the books I read about Japanese festivals and traditions. Though my postmodern upbringing made me disagree with some of the customs I still found them strangely beautiful.
The harmony of man to nature and machine was something new for me. I wasn't used to the idea of having a sacred tree or mountain alongside a frighteningly advanced kind of technology. My Japanese cell phone that I bought 3 years ago was more advanced than the phone I currently own, and the Japanese phone cost half as much. I fell in love with the pastries and the cheap food. The way the entire store would greet the ringing of the bell attached to the door. I'd never liked fruit very much but in Misawa it was cheap and so very delicious. I love the sight of Kanji, it's like art instead of words. I loved my Japanese coworkers, I knew I could count on them to do their job and let me know when I wasn't doing something right. Masako made me laugh when she would tease my dad after she got to know him.
I miss Sakura's, the soft pink snow that drifted from the trees in April and May. The knots of roots the poked through impossible black earth from ginko trees that had yellow leaves like fans. Racing my siblings up a stupid amount of temple steps. Pericura (photobooths) and video games inside the mall, dance dance revolution contests with my friends. Japanese McDonalds is SOOOO much tastier. I liked finding all the new and interesting things in the 100yen stores. Japanese music gave me a peaceful feeling or made me laugh.Art in Japan is so much softer and flows like water instead of standing like iron. Kimono's, fans, kokeshi dolls, t-shirts with bad English phrases on them, all of it was like being in a picture book for me. It was the place I'd always wanted to be... and the best part is that there was snow.
It was here that I came to an appreciation of my body I hadn't had before. Being free to go to an Onsen and soak with other women and see their unique shapes made me feel more like a woman. I could look in the mirror without thinking that I was ugly or flat chested or masculine armed. When I looked I saw a woman with a tall nose and long legs who's neck was still pretty even with her wide shoulders. I may not have been able to master Japanese like I had German, but the little bit I did opened my mind to a different way of thinking. A respect for the earth and it's creatures beyond what I'd known before. A belief and a surrender to a destiny larger than the self. The need to give back to the community even if it runs the person to their knees. The honor of the family and high expectations of the children. The sacredness of being Japanese and keeping out too much influence from other sources. So different from what I'd experienced before. This was the last home I've had.

Other thoughts:
Maybe it's just the snow that makes me feel at home. The chilly feeling in your nose and ears. Scratchy scarfs around the neck and gloves that don't quite keep the fingers warm. Warm drinks and blankets with people I can share my feelings with. Maybe it's the sight of my life's breath hanging in the air allowing me to see that: Yes I am alive and a part of this great big beautiful world that I believe was created by something larger grander and more powerful than anything else.
A God who saw fit to make me inside my mother and let me see, feel, taste, touch what and who he made. Because I have a feeling deep inside that he likes to see me smile.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Written Words

I'm going to try harder to update my blog.
Life has found a pattern for me. This is why I do not often write. I feel like I am only reiterating things already spoken. Wearing down thoughts till they are only a stub of the monumental discovery they used to be.
I move, I don't have a kitchen, I find a happy place, there is much disappointment. I study culture and language and learn more about myself.

Recently though, something did happen to me that was out of the cycle.

I was stupid and got scammed. Yes, some one took my money and I let them because I wasn't paying attention. However I have since then reversed the damage and kept any farther loss from happening.

This lesson that I have learned is both humbling and empowering.
I am humbled, knowing that my intelligence isn't as far reaching as I once thought. So now I can be kinder and not judge others I deem to have 'done something stupid'.
I am empowered, knowing that though I am sometimes unintelligent I have the ability to somewhat undo the damage of those poor choices. The bad things I do don't have the power to drag me down as long as I fight them.

Keeping this new experience in mind I'm going to try to fight my negative emotions. Often times I feel like the dark feelings are a big steam roller and I'm the road. On the contrary I am me, I can run, dodge, move out of the way, and maybe one day take total control of that big rolling mass that is my dark side. I feel confident, though it make take many years, that I can do this now.

In other news, I'm writing a Novel for NaNoWriMo (national, something, writer's, month) and I'm super excited! I love the chaotic idea my friends and husband helped me come up with.
*come closer*
*whispers* You see, I'm writing about Zombies and Dragons. *giggles* Figure that one out.
The plot is fairly simple and straight forward, I didn't want to get tangled up with too many loose ends seeing as how I'm writing my first draft in only 30 days. I have to admit I'm really loving the light stress of it. I fell behind a little yesterday and didn't get a chapter done like I'd planned. So, today, I'm going to catch up by writing the rest of the chapter I didn't finish and try for two more chapters.

If you want I can post little excerpts of the text here so you can get a feel for the book. Just keep in mind that this is a rough draft. I'm more worried about getting the ideas onto the page than it looking or sounding very smart.

I wish all my friends, and whatever random readers stumbles on to this, the best of luck in life, love, and learning.