Wednesday, May 30, 2012

In Search of a Top Hat

The Quest Continues!
In this exciting next installment in the Top Hat Search Series our Heroine battles the weirdness that is "The Flea Market" in defiance of all odds to find a top hat!

... if only it were so amazing...

Aparently Top Hats, Skeleton Keys, and Old Broken Chime Clocks are nearly impossble to find. I'm going to stalk eBay and see if I can't find a How-to-make-a-top-hat page on the internet. Well... maybe that's not it... it's actually more like any of the above mentioned items are impossible with my budget. I have all of $70 USD that I can spend on everything (not including door prizes).

In the Spirit of not giving up (It's the part of me I've been working on lately; you know the side that goes "Oh look an obstacle let's find an alternate route!") I'm going to pick up a pack of pretty Art Nuevou style Tarot cards.
You see I have this vision for my hat. An old clock face, the hands removed and pointing up and away from the side between 3 Tarot Cards; Past, Present, and Future. Then from the colors on the cards I'm going to make a band and fix everything to the hat with a few shiny cog patterns (I might get a stamp and some fabric paint instead of actually fixing little cogs to the band like I REALLY want to). In the end it should be wonderful. I'm also trying to figure out if I can't make a double breasted waist coat with tails to match.

Why am I doing all this Awesome, you ask? My sister's Hen Party (Bachelorette, whatever. Hen is easier to spell) is an Alice in Wonderland Steampunk theme.
For the door prizes I'm ordering a replica of the Master's pocket watch from Dr.Who, a white rabit shaped japanese lunch box, and some mustache cookie cutters. I was thinking of maybe getting a really off the wall tea cup for another prize but have yet to be impressed by anything I've come across.

But that is neither here nor there.
I've got a Top Hat to find... or create.
Till next time just remember; The light heart lives long.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Hats are Amazing Things

I realized not too long ago that I have not shared my fanatical  completely normal love for hats.
Sadly I don't look very good in a hat because I have no forehead and my ears are too high so they end up getting in the way of said object as it sits on my head. This issue has not in any way dampened my love for hats.

Hats are amazing inventions. Not only are they useful (they fight the evil rays of the sun) but their pretty damned spiffy. I really think I was made to be born in the 1930's -50's when a proper lady still wore a hat and gloves into town. Anyreincarnation, I'll be digressing and regressing in order to share with you denizens of the interwebs the wonder that is 'the Hat'.

My favorite, and most giggle inducing hats, are the oldest ones.

Rice hats for example are super awesome and have been around FOREVER. I wear one when I garden and I love it. It's not too heavy, it doesn't get in my way, and it protects my shoulders too. Though I'm fairly certain that I look like a complete weirdo to my neighbors.

Bonnets can be really elegant and lovely but tend to end up on the dorkier side of dress for some reason. Maybe it's all the frills people try adding, or that if their made poorly the look like bad chef hats. 

My favorite Era for hats (other than the fun animal beanies that have hit the markets within the past decade or so) is really the Victorian Era. The top hat is the single greatest hat ever invented. Not only does it fit with both fancy and casual dress but it tends to look decent even when ridiculously decorated. 

And the Victorians were just as silly with their hats as we are with ours. I mean come on, I have a hat that has big yellow-green cat eyeballs and ears on it. 

ah silly victorians

Which leads me into some more modern, if less common, hats. The Steam Punk hat. 
I love the clockwork and steam theme that is (more often than not) elegantly worked onto the hat. And Mini-top hats are probably the coolest miniaturized item invented. 

Before I get too into the modern Hat. I want to do a quick montage of the fun hats that have passed through the mid 1900's.



Oh no, batman. No.



Best known for the Pillbox Hat and Other Stuff

^ See... Other Stuff...^

I think this is when Beanies were invented... but the internet won't tell me much about 70's hats... Maybe everyone was still recovering from Woodstock or something.

This is when the UFO hats and baseball caps got popular
Or at least that's what I remember being popular (I was kinda tiny)

Since we're close enough to the present for me I'm going to start gushing about my own  hats. 
I own something like 5 ball caps, 1 fisherman's hat (for fishing, duh), 1 mini top hat I got in Harajuku a few years ago, 2 berets, 1 rice hat, 2 beanies, and 2 duck hats (I don't know what else to call them). 
Of this not so vast collection (I'm very picky about what I actually buy not what I oogle) my favorite hat is my mini top hat. Unfortunately I don't have very much to wear it with. *sadface* Lucky for me Jex is the best husband Evar! and lets me buy little things here and there so that I can wear my hats, even the ones he thinks are the ugliest things ever (read: my duck hats). 
My favorite Ball cap is my Guiness hat. It even has a bottle opener on the bill!!! Wah! Close behind is my Deutschland cap that I bought during the 2006 world cup. Stupid Italy... *grumbles* Stupid Chelsea... *grumbles again* 
I don't have access to my external hard drive (read: I still haven't freaking unpacked all our shite) otherwise I could post fun pictures of me and a friend with all her hats. 
I miss you Louda... I miss you a lot. 

Like unto the ball cap is my duck hat. It's a beanie with a bill. And I LOVE IT! My husband thinks I look like a complete and total Dork. But they make me happy so I will keep wearing them, even if I look stupid. 

This the the Duck Hat I found in a Seria (japanese dollar store) parking lot. It was so dirty and messed up I couldn't tell what it was and I thought. Ha! I'll take it home and throw it in the wash machine and see what it turns into. Voila! just like that I had the most comfy hat in existence. 

And I can't wait to get my hands on one of the freakishly cute/silly animal beanies. (^_^)

In closing. Hat's are awesome, customizable to the point of stupidity, and super useful. Which is why I love them and why they will never fail to make me laugh, or grin. If you haven't go to a store (like Ross, or Burlington Coat Fac. or wherever would have a bunch of different and fun hats) and try on a bunch of hats with a friend and have a laugh. Or just google them and have a laugh. It will make your heart lighter.
And as a wise people once said: "The light heart lives long."

Saturday, May 19, 2012

The Roller Coaster of Boredom?

I feel like nothing really exciting ever happens to me.
Or maybe it's just that I can't write about it as well as Dazee or Rachel or all the other super awesome chicka's whose blogs I stalk read.
Recently though I feel like I'm on this Roller Coaster of Boredom. Yes, I know how much of an oxymoron it is. That's just how I feel.
I have nothing to write about when I have internet. But the moment I have no web access what so ever things like tipping over Motorcycles, driving through a storm and losing a windshield wiper half way to home, and the dog eating/puking weird crap happens.

Then there are days like today that are just Awkward. I don't know whether or not to write about them because I'm knee deep in someone else's proverbial Chili.

So tomorrow, if I don't get to go to the flea market (like I thought I was going to today) to find a hat I can spiffy up I'll do my hat post.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

It's Thursday... and I'm back in Sandland

You know that Jex and I moved right? Yes we moved 345 miles south west of SandLand to a place I'm going to call Appalachia. It's about an hour south of where Jex grew up and all my inlaws are within driving distance. Literally, Dadio is only 2 miles away. *facepalm*

But every two weeks Jex has me drive him the ungodly 6 hours back to SandLand. Why would this be? Oh it's because the Military is STUPID. (We'll just ignore for the time being that most of what I say gets ignored once Jex is in mission mode. If he has a plan, then BY GUAVA that's what we have to do.)

So I'm back in the Loooooow Country till monday morning. And since I have internets right now I wanted to tell you guys all about the awesome that's happened. We'll just leave most of the not so awesome for my sketch pad and poetry book so I can throw them in some dark unvisited corner and pretend I was never that Emo.

Did you all know that I have a Motorcycle? I do! It's a Honda and it's shiny and older which means when AssbreakerTony lets me learn how to ride it in his driveway and I tip it over the first time I try to turn around It's OK. My knees however look like I generously applied purple eyeshadow to them. But I only tipped it over the once. Which according to Tony is actually pretty good for some one who has so little experience with any kind of motorized bike thing.
No really, I rode a scooter once when I was... 15? 16?... something like that. ONCE. And I have to remember to shift. Luckily my dad did force (long story) me to learn to drive stick so I have the concept down. Now I just need to practice a little more and figure out when/where the motorcycle course is at the DMV. After that I'll have my liscence and go buy a helmet and chaps and be ready to go! Yay!

I'm excited to be incharge of the games and stuff for my sister Bachelorette party. It's a SteamPunky Alice in Wonderland theme. I'm so EXCITED!!! Jex is going to help me come up with awesome sauce for games and prizes. And I get to buy a hat! A HAT! Have I told you all how much I love old fashioned hats? No? That's weird. Well I love them and if I think about it and have some time between learning how to ride a motorcycle, fixing up our new home, and game planning I'll write a post all about hats and why they're so awesome and should freaking come back in style.

I need to find a job. A not fast food job. Preferably a job where I get to deal with books. But first I need internets.

Now I'm going to need some input from my readers, if you please.
What are the best providers for internet? Who do you get internet through and what do you love/hate about them?
Sadly the "Cheap but Decent" stuff I was used to doesn't exist in the U.S. that I've found. We can't sign more than a 6mo contract, simply because the Military might just decide to uproot our lives again.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Montage Monday

No it's not a meme or anything, I just really like alliteration. It makes my face happy and tastes good.

I don't know what it is about the second year of marriage; but I hope it passes soon. Perhapse it's just the terrible 2's.
But Jex and I have been really really missing one another's heart recently.
Here's an example:

Ashes: *Starts folding up her half of the breakfast sub in the massive subway wrapper because her tummy isn't up for eating*

Jex: *Takes the sub and wrapper away.* Here I'll show you how to do it. I have muscle memory. *Proceeds to fold the sandwich up with Japanese Oragami precision.* There.

Ashes: *Gives Jex a playful stinkeye*

Jex: *While leaving SubWay* Was that ok?

Ashes: Yeah, mostly. Just kinda reminds me of the not so great parts of my Grandma.

*Both get in the car*

Ashes: So, out of curiousity. Why did you have to show me the 'right' way to wrap up the sandwich?

Jex: Why are you freaking out?

Ashes: What? *get's offended and angry* I'm not freaking out!

Jex: *in a super defensive and pissy tone* I just wanted you to know the better way to wrap up the sub.

Ashes: Oh my god. *sigh*

Jex: Why is it such a big deal?

Ashes: It's not! Why are you making it such a big deal.

Jex: You got angry.

Ashes: I wasn't angry.

Jex: *in a matter-o-fact tone* Yes. You were.

Ashes: *silent huff* [after a long pause] Why can you tell me how I'm feeling but if I do it to you it's wrong and disrespectful?

Jex: That's not true. You can refute me.

Ashes: I wasn't angry.

Jex: Yes you were. You were making an angry face, using an angered tone of voice.

Ashes: My stomach is all kinds of upset. So I'm not really sure what my face was doing. And I didn't think I used an angry voice. Either way I wasn't angry.

Jex: You got angry to the point of shutting down.

Ashes: What?!

Jex: You got all quiet and sullen and fumy.

Ashes: No, I was thinking about the situation and word choice and how to get our points across better. I wasn't angry! We're both frustrated at eachother for the same thing! You thought I thought you folding up the damned sandwich was a big deal. I felt that you were making the whole thing into a big deal. Neither one of us is making it into a big deal. SO WHY ARE WE ARGUING?!

Jex: I'm sorry I broke the egg shell.

Ashes: *goes into a real silent, angry, fume* [and thinks] Fraking Asshat.

OH MY GOD! Married people, plese tell me that this goes away. (As a side note: I'd like all of you to know that my husband is pretty much the coolest man in the entire world, even with his rediculous moments)

My back hurts from flinging babies around all weekend. Looks like I need to step up the exercise.

Oh and I found this fill in the blank game thing!!!
It's supposed to be for fridays. So when I have a super good week and have no Fracks to share I'll probably steal this from Marrianna Annadanna and do it instead... or just do it on mondays and mess up the entire meme. (^_^)

Fill in the Blank Friday Monday?

Here goes.

1. My bedtime routine includes... brushing my teeth and giving Jex a back rub. He has to have a back rub before he goes to bed. Otherwise I'm not really one for routine, every day is different.

2. I am... feeling a little frustrated with everything right now. As usual I don't know where to begin and have somehow managed to get all tangled up in the middle. This makes Ashes an Emo girl... I think I have to go paint my fingernails black now. haha.

3. I can't stand.. the heat. Damnit south, why do you have to be so fraking HOT?! It's literally hot enough to kill all the old people in Germany. (Ah, so like 8 or 10 years ago there was one summer in Germany that it got to be in the low 90's. It was the hottest summer in like 100 years or something ((I was 15 I don't remember details now)) and because Europe doesn't really do the airconditioning thing all these old people died from heat stroke and stuff! Because it's pretty rare to have a summer over 85 at it's hottest where we lived)

4. My idea of relaxation would be... Having an Onsen nearby so I could chill out with a friend. Pools of hot water in varying tempuratures, mineral and herbal mixes, and not having to wear a damned bathing suit. Aaaahhhhh. Either that or not being around the dog for a day.

5. If I had an extra $50, I would... Buy a couple of Super Rad T-shirts from this chick.

6. The best thing about a bloggy friend is that... She doesn't take getting things off your chest personal. So much love, laughter, and encouragement is so freely and openly given to eachother as we read the other's posts and comment. No masks, no fears, just the pure unaduterated us. It's almost surreal sometimes.

7. A recipe I've been dying to try is... Silence of the Leg o' Lamb. Mostly just because of the fun name, but also because I LOVE LAMB, I'm just waaaaaay too poor to afford it.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Dirty Girl

Aaaah Moving Aaaaah!
So technically we're in our house. There are still a few fixer upper things that need done. The back door needs to be totally replaced, the guest bath window doesn't close all the way unless you're on the outside (weird). All the showers need to be re-caulked (and here is where I'd like to insert that Jex's bio dad is an arrogant condescending jerk wad, just because I'm a woman doesn't mean that I can't do it!).And we have absolutely ZERO appliances. Those will get delivered on Teusday.

I'm still not sure about this move. The more things that keep going on and happening and the conversations I keep getting into just have me really on edge. Typically I have a good sense of being in the 'flow' of things. You know: right place right time, here for a reason, there's something we need to learn/teach/help end/start/revamp. I have none of the sense. This whole move and events along the way seems to be some kind of lesson in silence and the general feeling of being without a support. Because love Jex as I do the man is not so good with the "I won't let you fall" bit. He'll be there for me when I smash my face into the boulder and fall into the mud and trip into the pit I couldn't see. But he's not into the catching before I smash/trip/fall. So yeah, just some stuff I'm feeling smothered by right now.

Anyfreakout, I'm really here to tell you about the dirty girl I did with Sony.
Instead of tell you though, I think I'll show you.

Fun it was, even with a few bumps along the way *cough cough* baggage check *cough COUGH!*