Showing posts with label adventures in wifery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adventures in wifery. Show all posts

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Scenes from a Marriage # I've lost track

Jex and I have been spring cleaning recently. Trying to really get rid of crap that has started to accumulate in our lives.
While on this road crawling with dustbunnies and surprise spiders Jex decided he would take on our little reading nook. All by himself. For a long while all was well, then he called me over to organize my books the way I wanted them.

This is what I was greeted by.



The Book Tower; Architect: Jex. Built in commemoration of Ashes' excellent taste in literature.

The light heart lives long, my friends.

Monday, January 9, 2012

OH MY GOD!!!!

Yes that about sums it up.

The lovely USAF took Jex away, again. Head cold, boxes to pack and send, college applications, moving soon and can't get a house till we know which college Jex's attending, and I'm the Maid of Honour in my sister's brittish wedding.
Did you know that Maid's of Honour have duties?! DUTIES!!! Holy Crap! I don't even know where to start.
The more I see/know about weddings the more I'm so glad I didn't have one. Yes I will forever feel a little sad that I don't have the fun pictures that commemorate the event but I still have my sanity and I'm not in debt so I think that's a fair trade.

I googled it and found some really pink websites. No really, Barbie herself would be jealous of the gratuitous amount of pink on the web page.
I feel like I'm in the Estrogen Ocean in a canoe. My sister is like 'over nine thousand!' miles away (not really but I had to sneak in a DBZ reference that none of you will probably get) in England and I have this list of Duties to attend to. Most of them have to do with being right there with her and/or having knowledge of the area in which the wedding is being held. I have neither, and I really want to to a good job. I will however rock when it comes to planning the bridal shower. Because my sister has picked a Mad Hatter style tea party theme and Jex has so many great and random ideas for games. Maybe.

And I feel really bad for falling behind with ISpy and reading everyone's blogs. I still love you guys! Really I do.

Till I blog again stare at batman and giggle.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Home again home again... jiggidy jig...

I loved the crap out of Thanksgiving and the family and the fun. Oh the fun!
If it were ok for me to have Thanksgiving every month I would totally do it!

.... Then comes Christmas ....

You will see no joy from me over the upcoming ulcer indusing holiday of massproduction. I am a Scrooge with everything but the lights. I do really enjoy Christmas lights and driving down the housing developements with snacks and hot cocoa just gazing at the crazy compilations flung over every home.

But that's not what I'm talking about.
I'm HOME! My own house, my own pillow, my own kitchen. And the climb up to the 3rd floor.
I am however not jigging because I busted both my knees the night we got home (yesterday).

You see. Kiyaba, the 35lb puppy (DEAR GOD don't let her get any bigger!), was so excited to be home she had to stuff the entire appartment complex up her nose. Not kidding.
It was dark, wet cold, and I was tired from driving forever and a day back to Sandland from Texas and all I wanted her to do was pee so I could climb up the stairs and go to bed. I didn't have her on her leash because typically Kiyaba is really well behaved. But not that night. No. She just HAD to track down Wally, the chocolate lab she plays with sometimes and then FREAK OUT when I followed her. Stupid dog bolted.
Now I have lost a puppy before because it freaked out and bolted (hence why I love cats more, they've never once ran away from me). So my sleep deprived face flipped out a little and propelled me down the cement stairs at speeds unusual for a non-runner such as myself.
Leaning down I managed to get a hold of Kiyaba's scruff and trip on the last step at the same time. Oh yes. There was a flurry of fur and blue stripes as we skid and rolled on the side walk. And wouldn't you know it the majority of the impact was on my knees.
With fewer curses than I felt like shouting I picked up the biggest puppy on earth and limped back to our appartment building and up the stairs and proptly shut her in the laudry room before getting ice.
I decided against a picture because it might gross some people out. However if they bruise really prettily I'm definately putting one up.
Isn't it grand to be home? *grumble mumble sigh*

Sunday, November 13, 2011

BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *cough*

*insert corny lighting bolts and fan effects*

*ahem* My husband is back! The Military finally decided that it's ok for him to be less than 1000 miles away from me! I'm so happy! Even though he decimated my clean house in less than 12 hours.

And our car is dying. According to Assbreaker Tony it's about time for it to die. He actually only intended for Rinky the dinky red car to get us around for a year or so. Just long enough for us to get settled in the U.S. and buy our own vehicle. The poor thing has gotten us over Rabbit Ears pass in Colorado twice, from Georgia to Washington state and back, to Texas four times, and Mississippi, up to Massechusettes and back this passed month, not to mention the bajillion trips back and forth from Georgia to South Carolina we had to take while waiting for Jex's classes to FINALLY start. Poor little car.
I want a Passat or a Prius. Jex is thinking a Suberu monster Baja

I don't even remember what day of my 30 day challenge I'm on... I think the last one was 17? Sure that sounds close to right. So today I'll do 18.

30 day challenge #18: Some one you would want to switch lives with and why.

Hmmmmmmmmm.... Does this person have to be alive now?
Well if the person doesn't have to be alive now I'd have to say Noah. Why? Because I really want to see what the world was like a few thousand years ago. I really really do. I don't want to hear theories; which to me is the scientific word for 'imagination'. I want to see it with my Face! Then come right back home. Unless the theories about older civilizations being more advanced than we are now is true. Then I want to stay for a few weeks or so before coming back home and writing a award winning book that will replace twilight.

If it has to be a person who is still alive then.... uhhhh.... Now I wonder if it'd be wierd to pick a different gender.... bleh who cares.
Keith Urban's personal assistant. Why? Because I'm curious about which actors are actually cool people and who are actually douches. Especially since meeting members of my favorite band.
Maybe I could go fishing with Morgan Freeman or something. *Ha! I laugh at myself*

Monday, August 8, 2011

PCS season is here again!

PCS= permanent change of station. It's a military term that, like with most military terms, is slightly stupid because 'permanent' usually means between 8 months to 4 years. It's a grand adventure to be sure, full of trouble, danger, monsters, and daring escapes.

It was a normal day in Sandy Land, hotter than God and brighter than any day has a reason to be. Jex sat at his desk doing his normal jobish things, secret and not so secret, when lo and behold the orders he had been waiting 2 years for get thrown on his lap. Sure they were half done and taped together in weird places, and were those teeth marks on the corner? It mattered not for the orders dictated that he find an apartment in a weeks time so that he could move to Sandy Land in two weeks.
Oh dear. Jex called upon his wife to run the red chariot around Sandy Land to find them a home worth living in. A place that was price worthy (prieswert, a german term since the english equivalent is evading me... ha ha alliteration), would allow a loyal furry companion, and within bicycle distance of the Great Fortress.
Wiffer Wife prevailed and found them a lovely place on the third floor. Open and perfect in size for all their Shtuff.

The couple then travelled to Jex's ancestral home of Podunk in the Georgia Mountains to procure all the Shtuff that William had been keeping in trust especially for this day. Finding a great chariot at a good price the family proceeded to load their Stuff for departure.

However, no one knew of the nest that hummed just below William's front gate. The great chariot was nearly full when Flying Beasts began to attack the family. Assbreaker Tony killed many with his mighty Cosmo, but too late. One of the black creatures assailed Jex and stung him under the eye! Jex killed the beast and asked for his wife's aid before the eye that was attacked swelled shut. It didn't help that one of the beasts had gotten Wiffer Wife's hand earlier that week and it was swollen like a balloon.
Will and Dizzy went for reinforcements. Nothing more could be done till the nest of Flying Beasts was destroyed (damn wasps). Lo, while they were gathering cavalry a great gust blew a mighty storm onto Will's little home and stranded him and Dizzy in the torrent. Jex despaired that the great chariot would ever be filled.
But they prevailed! With the chariot full Jex attached rinky the dinky red chariot to the back and began the long journey to Sandy Land. The fell storm found them on the way and made the roads slick. Other chariots travelling the same path crashed into one another, and the PoPo was out en masse for what the couple did not know.
Finally, at their destination Jex made to get the rinky red chariot off the great chariot so they could unload. But Rinky was Dead! Oh no, not Rinky! (stupid cheap battery)
Luckily a Security Forces enlistee was there to help at Wiffer Wife's pitiful plee for help.
Jex and Ashes, aka Wiffer Wife, hauled 6,000lbs of Shtuff to the 3rd floor. Jex carried a couch up the stairs by himself (and he looked soooo hot doing it!). Luckily the man who lived across the way was kind enough to help them get the last couch in the home.

All was well with Jex and Ashes, they had their place, away from the ancestral stomping grounds were the in-laws lived. Then more orders dropped in Jex's lap, these were covered in red tape and stupid sauce. He was to ship out for the Forbidden North, to train for more secret and not so secret stuff the Fortress needed from him. He was to leave his wife and be gone for nearly 4 moons! Ashes was not happy, but it had to be done. After living in Sandy Land for only 6 days Jex was taken to the Forbidden North and Ashes was left in the flaming hot Sandy Land, knowing no one and no thing familiar.
..... to be continued....

So yes, that is where we are right now. I am keeping busy though. Mountains of boxes don't unpack themselves. Maybe I can get pictures up when they're all gone!
Also I'm looking for a job to offset the massive amount of money I have to spend come September. Yay bride's maid dress! Hooray Within Temptation concert! AHHHH! I'm so excited!!!! *ahem*
I'll catch up with everyone and everything when life finds a rhythm. Till then: love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe!
(God I love Spell Check!)

Thursday, June 30, 2011

hot knives and 0 stupid 30

Of Hot Knives...

My husband is a genius, but I swear he forgets that sometimes.
While playing with a candle he lit his knife on fire... put it out... noticed how hot it was, and with a rakish grin promptly folded it and stuck it, hot metal against his skin, in it's usual place on his waistband.
I'd like to think of myself as a good wife. In my concern for my husband's well being I ran and got a cup of cold water to cool the metal so it wouldn't burn a hole in his side.
He didn't want me to save him. But damnit I was going to. So I chased him into the bathroom where I promptly had my helping hand slammed in the door. No really he crushed the cup and the knuckles on my palm when I was intelligent enough to think I could splash him and retract my hand before doom ensued. Weird thing is, though it hurts like hell, there's not a single mark to show that love hurts... especially when it closes doors on you.

And 0 Stupid 30...

Assbreaker Tony, one of my 2 father-in-law's, just got out of heart surgery. He had to have 5 bypasses done. Yeah, I thought the max anyone could ever need was 4, shows you what I know about the cardiovascular system and procedures.
The night before we went to visit him in the hospital I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like I was suffocating. Got over it after Jex so sweetly opened the windows and turned on the fan.

Assbreaker Tony is doing ok surgery wise, no complications of a life threatening nature have arisen. Unfortunately he's having a lot of pain and his blood oxygen is a little lower than the doctors want. As far as I know he's still in ICU and will be till further notice. Which is driving him insane.

Knowing he's in no real danger we got back to Podunk from Atlanta near midnight. I was so tired. So tired that my usual 30-90 minute wind down time before I got to blissful sleep was cut down to 3 or less. Yeah.
But wouldn't you know that my body hates me? It does. Because I woke up at 0 stupid 30! 4:30 AM! What the crap is that?! Nothing is on TV at 0 stupid 30, we don't have internet at the house most the time, it's too dark for me to feel comfortable walking by myself in the wooded outskirts of Podunk. I ended up taking that walk anyways all 5k of it, and I stopped to pet every dirty country dog that wagged it's tail at me, and at every black berry bramble on the way to steal some of the juicier berries from the birds.

It's not even noon yet and I've been up for 6 hours. This feels so weird.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Adventures in Wifery: Missing a Spoon

Recently I found this little jewel (and by recently I mean like 20 seconds ago) and I just HAVE to share it with you.
Will!!!!!!!!!! I'm warning you: you may not want to read this. And if you do... don't tell Jex it's up here. *puppy face*

This happened in February while we were living in a Mississippi hotel for a couple months. Jex doesn't do this often, but when he does not only is it the greatest laugh ever but I usually have something in my mouth and there's usually a mess to clean up afterwards.

*past Ashes (Rem) Talking in a mock brittish accent*: "Earlier my husband had called me to ask a question. His phone promptly died on him right as he was about to articulate it to me. At dinner he decided to relay the question. And it went something like this.

Jex: Ah, I remember the question I was going to ask you. You packed the soup and I didn't know if you packed a spoon.

Ashes: *thinks for a moment* Nope I kind of assumed there was one in there.

Jex: Yeah you do that, forget to pack silverware for me. Imagine how I ate that delicious stuffed roast you made me without a knife...

Ashes: *sarcastically* Oh I can't imagine. *takes a great big bite of dinner*

Jex: I had to cut it with my Penis!

Dinner went everywhere as I choked and he laughed with a cute little blush on his face."

The both of us are prudes sometimes and we're still shy about dirty joking with the other. Ah, the awkward joys of newliweddedness.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

She-ra! By the power of greyskull!!!

I will smite the leaky pitcher!!!

Alright here's how it went down. I make homemade lemonade the way a friend of mine (Missy) showed me how to. This involves real lemon slices, simple syrup, and honey. When the lemonade is finished off (about an hour or so after it's ready) I have a bunch of blanched lemon slices I don't know what to do with. I don't have a garden (because I have no house), don't know any recipes that call for lemon slices boiled in sugar water, and so I usually throw them into the tree line to compost and keep the opossum off Will's porch.

Yesterday I guess I suddenly became She-ra, because when I chucked the lemons the entire pitcher went spinning off into the treeline with them. The pitcher, that had already been fixed once due to a small crack in the side, hit a tree with a crack and spewed lemon slices like sticky round confetti. The entire time I just stood on the porch, mouth agape, with the pitcher handle still in my hand.

Poor poor pitcher.


Saturday, May 28, 2011

To blog a Blogger

Dear Bloggers that I folow~
I would've commented on all the fine blogs that you have posted this week, if I could. Blogger is having some technical difficulties recently and are working on the problem. I just wanted to let you guys know that I still luv you and enjoy reading what you take the time to type up. Thanks for making the internet a better place.
~Ashes
______________________________________________________

The Tailbone is healing.
I'm back to being knee deep in the NerdKingdom once again. This time in the little side provence of BellStrong Jex, Will, and I are taking turns running the awesome nerdness! I recount most the adventures in my other blog for anyone who's curious. Tomorrow the entire Baker's dozen of us are getting together for a day filled with fun: after nearly a month apart. Yay! And I don't have to cook this time! *happy face*

Speaking of cooking I discovered this morning that I have no talent for gravy making.
My mom has always made gravy with cornstarch. Jex is okay with it, but he grew up with the down home southern white gravy made with flour that could pretty much be a meal in of itself. Me being the kinda sorta new wife that I am jump at every opportunity to make something he likes. The first time I made white gravy it had the consistancy of jello. This morning I tried again and I was left with dough.
Okay, no problem I'll just add more milk. Then it resembled overcooked oatmeal. Uhhhh... more milk? The result: Soup.
Setting aside the pan I decided to just make french toast, something I knew I could do. In the end I ate the should-have-been-gravy with toast. At least it tasted good.