Scenes from a Marriage

You get two scenes today! Lucky you; either that or Jex has just been extra silly lately.

Scene 1: In the living room. I have just eaten the last of my expensive, but totally worth it, Bubbies pickles (they don't have corn syrup in them or vinegar, they are ligit pickles). The jar mostly full of brine sits on our rad new coffee table.

Jex: Pickle juice is ok to drink right?
Me: Yeah, it's just salt and water. Maybe some spices.
Jex: So it's like Gatorade but better!
Me: Yeah I guess so.
*A few minutes later while doing the dishes I hear this joyous announcement*
Jex: It's like a tasty ocean!!!



Scene 2: On the phone with my wonderful husband.

Jex: You have the cookie stuff ready for me?
Me: Yeah, it's in the freezer ready to be baked. How many did you need?
Jex: Not many, like 6 or 8.
Me: Ok, yeah there should be enough from the last batch of cookies I made.
Jex: Also I need you to find me a tupperware that has no friends.
Me: A tupperware that has no friends?!
Jex: Yeah, like one that isn't part of a set, and you wouldn't mind losing.
[I totally laughed at him, and will shamelessly continue to chuckle all day.]

I want a scanner

Not only would it make my life easier... well it would just be a fun thing to have. So that I didn't have to take pictures of all the artwork I did for the challenge. Yeah...

Anyways here is a dose of Marriage Giggles thanks to Jex.

Jex: Have you taken your Appelopolis today?
Me: You mean acidophilous?
Jex: Yeah.
Me: No.
The acidophilous is kept in the fridge. Which my husband walks over to opens and as he's taking the chew-able allegedly strawberry flavored tablets out of the fridge he makes this adorable little baby dinosaur 'rawr' sound before announcing : "Acidopolis, made from real dinosaurs." *cute rawr*

I love this guy.

My marriage is weird....

So Jex stubs his toe on my first gen Playstation2.

Looks like this.

And comes over telling me to fix it.
With a sigh I look over to see that his pinky toe has been sliced across the top. What are the corners of the PS2 made of, blades?! After fixing him up I give him a hug. Then a kiss and another hug.

Jex: Did the blood make you horny?
Me: What? No.
Jex: You sure are lovey.
Me: *shrugs*
Jex: So it makes you horny; you're just hiding it.
Me: No!
Jex:*cups my boob* You're horny!
Me: My boobs can't tell you that I'm horny, you weirdo.
Jex: You're boobs tell me lots of things... like when you're asleep.
Me: You touch my boobs when I'm sleeping?!
Jex: Well yeah, you can't tell me to stop then.
Me: Gah! I'm done talking to you.... and I'm putting this on Scenes from a Marriage!
Jex: Ok, but put the whole thing on.

For the record I am not a vampire. My husband however is a bonafied creeper. Though vampire chicks are always super gorgeous... maybe that wouldn't be so bad.

The Light Heart Lives Long

Man, typing a post is sooooo much easier with a key board.

Advanced Auto Rave

I thought about having posts of my marriage scenes, events, moments as something like "Fraking Friday" or "I Spy". Then I blinked. Jex and I have such a weird off the wall life that some times we don't do anything for weeks, or we're not together for weeks, or we're driving for weeks. So, it can't be a staple of my blog, but it is still the biggest part of my life, so it will get written about.

This story begins with the first walk that Jex and I have taken together in three months, round about. We used to walk and just talk and be together a lot more often, when the world was a cooler place and we had cars that weren't broken. In order to not have to climb through the window when my husband doesn't want to get out with me we needed to replace the door handle.
Because my husband is a man, and there for forever 4 years old on the inside, he likes to tell me he's not coming in, watch as I climb out the window, then roll up my window for me, get out, and lock the car. All the while grinning like he's won some kind of competition.
There's an Advanced Auto Parts up the street from the house where we've been staying for the last couple of weeks (thank you Tristan and Cait!!!). We haven't walked in a while, so I invite Jex to come walk up there with me to get the door handle replacement.

We get to the store and I go straight to the line and trade looks with "Jerry" as the customer ahead of me fights with a large box to get a look at the strut he just bought. Before boxing it back up and taking his leave.
It's been about 5 seconds, waaaay past Jex's attention span unless there are pretty colors and fantasmic music, and out of habit I glance around to see where he's got to... and what he may be playing with.
Over the radio Lady Gaga's Poker Face is just queuing up.
My husband is in the aisle behind me, the aisle with all the colored LCD lights that can be attached to your vehicle and he has a full on rave going on. No, he didn't just randomly push buttons like some kind of kid. This man has artistically and perfectly synced a large portion of the light strips in beat with the song playing over the radio. It was like an amateur Daft Punk light show.
Suddenly I was reminded of why I like him so damn much.

In less sappy news I can now get in and out of my car without climbing through the window. Yay!

The Light Heart Lives Long

You know you married into Rednecks When....

Your husband gets you out of bed to watch him pet an Opossum with a shoe.




Maybe I should be fair. It didn't start out that way.

My back hurt, my hubby had gotten a back rub, we were laying in bed trying to sleep when we heard the metal food bowl on my father in law's porch start to clang. Munching and crunching noises filled the night and my husband asks: "Is that the Opossum?"
I answer with a groggy: "Yup."
Jex gets out of bed to try and get a peek at it. The guest bedroom windows are long and have a great view of the porch. But it was a little too dark for him to see.
Jex: "Hey hun?"
Rem: "uhhnng?"
Jex: "Would you mind turning on the porch light? If you don't want to get out of bed I can do it."
Rem: "Grmbleminute."
So, I get out of bed and turn on the porch light. And, ya know, Opossums aren't as ugly as I thought they were supposed to be. This one was actually really fluffy with a cute white face topped with little black mouse ears.
We oogled for a minute or so (I'm not a city slicker, but I spent a good chunk of my life overseas where foxes and tanuki are more normal than Opossums) then my husband picks up a shoe gets on his shorts and announces with more excitement than I've seen him display in a while: "I'm going to go pet it!"

Hmmm. My woman instincts aren't sure this is a good idea, but hell it's a little guy what harm could it do? So I open the door for him and flip on the light.

The Opossum was not sure about Jex at all. He stayed about a food and a half away. Slowly trying to back peddle from the huge monster that erupted unceremoniously from the building that gave him a steady supply of cat food (poor U-gly <-- my father in law's cat). Jex moved to match the Opossum's speed and before I knew it they were in the corner of the porch; the Opossum with his pointy mouth wide to show off needle like teeth and growling pitifully, my husband cooing to it while he pet it with his sneaker.

This morning I stood in the doorway of my father in law's alternately gawking incredulously and laughing hysterically at the sight gifted to me. There's no denying it now... I married into Red Necks.