Day 21... and you thought I forgot.

I'm on the home stretch of the 30 day challenge. Getting ready for England. AND feeling like crap. I haven't slept the passed couple night because my eyes have decided to go all photo sensitive on me. I live in an apartment complex that is so well lit I feel like I'm in that weird place in Norway where they have the sun shine for 24 hours in the summer. (Is that place even in Norway... or is it Alaska?) But whatever. I'm just going to pin a blanket over our window tonight or something.

So Day 21: Three Wishes

Sooo the wrong time of year for this.
Wish 1: Enough public transportation. This way it's okay to take away the licenses of all the IDIOTS, Red Necks in Huge Pickups, Punk 16 year olds not so great drivers. They can still get to work. There's an option for couples like me and Jex who are a one car household. Ha! didn't think we existed any more did ja?

Wish 2: That mornings sucked less by 50% do you know how much stuff I could get done if I could get over the hurdle that is Morning. I'd be flipping unstoppable!

Wish 3: That the FDA was actually intelligent and well funded enough to do what they were created to do.
What? You mean you're no longer keeping tabs on Genetically Modified Food?! Are you ASKING for the Apocalypse to pay us a visit? Did you know that a company in Cali makes corn that works as a sperm inhibitor?! Yay! End of the human race via Contraceptive CORN. CORN!!! That the largest crop on earth, one of the easiest plants to cross pollinate, the stuff that is in F*^%$$#%&*!!! everything. Leave the food alone. Mother Nature knows what the crap she's doing!
.... this is why I can't get into politics.... *sigh*

Day 20 and a little emotional gushage

Lets start with day 20 of the 30 day challenge! Wooo! only 10 more days to go!
Then I'll tell you all about my NaNoWriMo awesomage and then we may or may not delve into the emotional explosion that has been the last couple of days.

Day 20 is: Nicknames that you have and why/how you got them.
Bwuahahahahaha. I like this one.

Pumpkin: Not only was I born on Halloween under a full moon, but I was also a bit jaundiced. So I was literally orange when I was born. My mom was not happy with this declaration from my dad.

Sweet Cheeks: Given to me by my father shortly after birth, I can't remember why.

Ashes: I don't know who gave this to me first. Maybe it was my Aunt, or my Unkle Tom (I really think it was Unkle Tom because nicknames are kind of his thing). But it's what I was called by my family for FOREVER! Oddly enough all the meanings I've found around it resonate so well with my actual persona I thought about legally changing my name to Ashes.

Rinoah: Ah, middle school. So I had a crush for this kid, Justin I think his name was, and I was totally freaking IN LOVE with Final Fantasy 8. So when this fun blue eyed boy comes up and says: "Hey you remind me of Rinoah Heartilly can I call you Rinoah?" I was like: "YES!" I honestly didn't know I had a thing for him till we had a fight and he stopped writing me. It wasn't my fault his hand wrighting was so atrocious one of his letters never made it to me. Punk.

Haiki: Ah, middle school again. I translated my name into Japanese when I was like 12, same for the homeschooled girls down the street from me. We called each other by these terrible names for a while.

Redd: My maiden name. Because by the age of 14 I didn't really respond to my given name unless one of my family members was saying it.

Radish: Jex's fault... I tried to go just by Ash for a while. Before I got so angry with the 'pokemon' references I met Jex. He asked my last name as he was jumping from cement barrier to cement barrier. I answered and he goes: "Ash Redd. Redd Ash." His lightning struck blue eyes widened and he smiled in a way that I would forever remember as a smile to be avoided at all costs and said. "RADISH!" Nooooooooooo! I am not a vegetable! No! Why God, why?! *ahem*

Rem: This is the one that stuck. In highschool easily 25% of the students shared my name and another 15% shared a friend of mine's name, Mel. )And apparently it's not Kosher to ignore the popular girl who announces that since her nick name is 'red' I can't use my actual last name as what I go by.) Our super cool third member of the "Trio of Terror" Kai offered the solution of picking out Japanese names for each other that fit our personalities. Sweet! I was super in love with Jett Li and the movie Hero at the time so I was like "OMG! I'm going to be No Name!" Nanashi, turned out to be the Japanese translation. Yay! Mel ended up being the absolute pickiest person on the planet. "No the Kanji is stupid, too hard, too simple. The name doesn't mean something cool enough, too masculine, too feminine, too whatever." So in the end Kai and I were like: "FINE! You don't get a name! You're Nanashi!" Then I was like: "Wait... now what's my name?" [insert facepalm here]
So, my friends assured me that they'd find a good name for me and rejected every idea I came up with for a few days. I gave up and just let them brew. If I got a name then I got a name if not then I guess I could try to beat the 'pokemon' reference out of Ash. Maybe replace it with an Evil Dead reference.
One day Nana and Kai came careening off the bus and to the corner where we met before classes and announced with blinding white glee that they had found my name. THE PERFECT NAME for me. "Rem" They said together.
I wasn't sure. "Rem? That's not a Japanese name."
But it didn't matter because they said they were my friends and that is what they were going to call me. FOREVER. And they have. Now so do my parents, my husband, my other friends, just about everyone who has met me in person.
It's so much so my name at this point that early on in our marriage when Jex said my given name I got mad at him and nearly demanded who the hell "Ash*****" was. Then realized it was me. *furious blush*
Just in case you're wondering "Rem" is a Japanese name that is usually translated as "Ren" but both spellings are acceptable since the n and m sound are pretty much the same in Japanese. It's a boys name that means "Lotus". It'd be nice if that's the reason why they picked the name, for all the meanings behind the Lotus flower... no... it was a character in a comic series they were reading called TriGun, who apparently is my personality clone. *shrugs*


NANOWRIMO!!!! = Awesomage!!!!
I'm up to 25K words! Go me! And in celebration I think I'll post a little excerpt again. It'll be shorter than the first one.

And I think I'm just going to ignore my emotional instability for now. I'm running out of precious internet time.

Day 19 Didn't they already ask this question?

Sooooooo, I'm still plugging away at the 30 day Challenge. Today is day 19 because I miraculously restarted at the right number. This is what Jex calls one of my patented 'perfect mistakes'. Why? Because if I actually put all my effort into something it becomes volatile and explody, if I don't care or don't have enough time to actually try whatever I'm doing turns out Cramazingly! Yay me?

I digress, today is day 19 and the 30 day committee asks for me to list Plans, Dreams, and Goals that I have.
Didn't they ask me this already?! like on the second or third day?! BAH! HURRUMPH! and all those other sputtering sounds of indignation. I'm no good with these things. I live by the hour and maybe dip my toes in the water of tomorrow and next week from time to time. Meh.

Plans: I plan on getting a job at some point.
Finishing the dress project I want to do even if it's by hand.
Making my mom and my sister's christmas presents (ha! we'll see how that turns out).
I also plan on losing the extra 15 pounds I put on in order to to raise the chances of getting pregnant. It didn't work so it's got to go.

Dreams: Actually I had a really weird dream night before last. Jex and I were on our dream vacation to Ireland. We found a little known historical site and decided to join one of the tours. It was a rocked house with a thatched roof that was almost one room. The windows were open and let light stream in those awesome looking rays. One window was called the Spider window, there had always been a large spider that made her home there until the last few years. Beside that window on a pedestal was a carved stone that was in the shape of a narrow pyramid. A 'do not touch' sign was hung around it. The celtic carvings were worn down, I supposed from people touching the stone so much for good luck. Then I noticed it wasn't so much wear, though there was a lot of that, but dirt that had filled all the carved lines and curves. When I pointed it out to the director she was flabbergasted. I offered to clean it for free since none of the workers wanted to touch the stone. Apparently it wasn't the kind of luck they particularly wanted.
Jex had picked up a tiny little harp and decided to play it for me while I cleaned the stone. I can still remember the tune. And while he played a really pretty garden spider (you know, the black and yellow ones) began weaving a web in the once abandoned 'spider window'. It reminded me of a mix of ballet and cirque du soleil (I think I spelled that right) as the spider jumped and weaved in the rays that the sun streamed through the window.
Usually when I dream of spiders I'm avoiding them or running from giant versions of them or trying to keep my little brother from dying because he got bit by a radioactive one (nope no superpowers for the radioactive things in my dreamworld... just death) so the peaceful feeling with the dream was really unexpected.

Goals: Well... there's a basket ball goal down the street. A soccer goal by the baptist church next door, aaaannnnnd... hehehe. Just kidding.
I guess my goal is to be less hard on myself. I don't know if I've ever talked about this here but I'm actually a really negative person when it comes to myself. For some reason God only knows I don't give myself any room for being human. I either pass or fail and more often than not it's fail.
But then if things go really well and I'm really happy for more than a few days I flip out and have a panic attack before falling into what Jex calls my 'pit'. Sometimes I'm afraid I'll have to start taking meds because EVERY WOMAN IN MY FAMILY is on them for either depression or anxiety. And I refuse. I hate medication. I'll drink a special tea every morning or eat more soy or fish (eeeewwwww) but I'm not swallowing a pill. Nope. Nuh uh. Not happening.
So.... Be less hard on myself/skitzo. And figure out what the difference between a Plan and a Goal is. Because to me they're pretty much the same thing.

BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *cough*

*insert corny lighting bolts and fan effects*

*ahem* My husband is back! The Military finally decided that it's ok for him to be less than 1000 miles away from me! I'm so happy! Even though he decimated my clean house in less than 12 hours.

And our car is dying. According to Assbreaker Tony it's about time for it to die. He actually only intended for Rinky the dinky red car to get us around for a year or so. Just long enough for us to get settled in the U.S. and buy our own vehicle. The poor thing has gotten us over Rabbit Ears pass in Colorado twice, from Georgia to Washington state and back, to Texas four times, and Mississippi, up to Massechusettes and back this passed month, not to mention the bajillion trips back and forth from Georgia to South Carolina we had to take while waiting for Jex's classes to FINALLY start. Poor little car.
I want a Passat or a Prius. Jex is thinking a Suberu monster Baja

I don't even remember what day of my 30 day challenge I'm on... I think the last one was 17? Sure that sounds close to right. So today I'll do 18.

30 day challenge #18: Some one you would want to switch lives with and why.

Hmmmmmmmmm.... Does this person have to be alive now?
Well if the person doesn't have to be alive now I'd have to say Noah. Why? Because I really want to see what the world was like a few thousand years ago. I really really do. I don't want to hear theories; which to me is the scientific word for 'imagination'. I want to see it with my Face! Then come right back home. Unless the theories about older civilizations being more advanced than we are now is true. Then I want to stay for a few weeks or so before coming back home and writing a award winning book that will replace twilight.

If it has to be a person who is still alive then.... uhhhh.... Now I wonder if it'd be wierd to pick a different gender.... bleh who cares.
Keith Urban's personal assistant. Why? Because I'm curious about which actors are actually cool people and who are actually douches. Especially since meeting members of my favorite band.
Maybe I could go fishing with Morgan Freeman or something. *Ha! I laugh at myself*

Day 17 and a Novelist's update

And so I find that I'm doing too many things at once, yet again.

Anyway today's number on the 30 day challenge is actually fairly easy to accomplish.
Day 17 is: Something you could live without.

Oh boy! Here Marrianna Annadanna and V will get one of those lists they love so. Because I feel like ranting just a little bit.

All the things Ashes could live without.
1. Daylight Savings
2. The massive amount of country radio stations
3. Bad Rap music (there is actually some good rap music out there. It's not just a myth!)
4. Gangster Style
5. Brand names
6. Fan Girls
7. Fan Girls
8. Twilight Fan Girls (I'm talking the crazy ones, if you're a sane Twilight fan I hold nothing against you. Honestly I enjoyed much of the books myself.)
9. Inuyasha Fan Girls
10. Stupid drivers
11. Cell phones
12. the Flu Shot
13. World of Warcraft (actually any MMOG, Massive Multiplayer Online Game)
14. Wal-Mart
15. 1/2 my wardrobe
16. Cosmetics
17. Dymatap (or any other godawful substance that is 'supposed' to be good for you)
18. Plastic women (the ones that are alive just for clarification)
19. Jersey Shore
20. It's always sunny in Philadelphia
21. Most reality tv in general
22. Music television that doesn't play music.
23. The 52million and 4 infomercial channels in cable packages.
24. Religious people (not you spiritual people who actually live what you believe)
25. That guy who leaves the cart in the best parking space.
26. Processed Cheese Products
27. Pabst Blue Ribbon (eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww! Who actually likes this stuff?!)

I feel better.

I've gotten nearly 7,000 words down in 3 days. I felt good about that till I saw that the majority of my friends had gotten to the 15-18,000 mark, that effectively popped my pride balloon. Thanks to Shane for making me feel better by saying that mine was probably better quality. Probably a lie, but it made me feel good.

I don't know if the excerpt I posted was too long. I'm thinking of posting shorter segments from time to time and seeing what you all think since you're who it's there for. So, would more bite sized pieces of my NaNoWriMo project be better for you guys? I would like to hear from my silent readers on this one too. Again this is all for you guys.

Day 16, First Ten

My in-laws are cool. If I can ever remember both my camera and the usb cord at the same time I might be able to post a picture of my birthday awesomeness. But alas I am perpetually forgetting one thing on my mental lists. I hate lists.

Today is going to be another day on the wheel of the 30 day challenge. Today is also the first day of NANOWRIMO!!!! I think, it was Nov last year. Let me double check.
YES!!! IT IS!!!! *happy dance of joyousness* I'm going to write my story so bloody well this year and none of my characters can stop me!
If you'd like I'd be happy to share snippets of it here and get some honest critique of my redonkulously stupid ideas super fun story!

Alright so day 16 is super easy: put your ipod on shuffle and post the first 10 songs.
Wooooo!

1. Somewhere by Within Temptation. This song always makes me cry.


2. Victems of Science, the device has been modified. I LOOOOVE this song. Is my favorite! one of many anyways.


3. Calling You by Blue October. The theme song to my courtship with Jex.


4. Mother Earth by Within Temptation. This was one of the first songs I heard when we moved to Germany... oh god! that was 9 years ago!!!


5. The Longest Road a deadmou5 remix of a Morgan Page song. The words make little sense except to try and express an emotion. But I like it anyways, it actually inspired a couple of short stories.


6. Valintines Day by Linkin Park. First time I heard this song was just after my grandfather's death. Needless to say I bawled like a little girl. The video is from a final fantasy game I just started.


7.Scars of Time, from Chrono Cross. OH MY GOSH! The memories! When my sister and I were a lot younger we'd play this openening sequince on the playstations in Wal-Fart and pretend we were violen players... then when my sister bought the game we'd constantly 'start a new game' just to see it over again.


8.I lived on the Moon by Kwoon. Good song, it tells a story, the exact story the the video portrays. I like it!


9.Liminality from the .hack series. I like this anime, but I couldn't get into the games at all. The idea of having your consciousness sucked into cyberspace is a really interesting one to me.


10. Yakko's World from Animaniacs. I miss cartoons that were cool AND pretended to teach me something.

Day 13 of the 30 day challenge

I'm stalling with the more interesting stuff that has happened today so that I can get the video online.
But between taking a car sick dog to the vet and rolling myself up in a Kimono in under half an hour, I had a good day.

So the 30 day challenge likes to make you do things that could possibly kill your relationships.
Day 14 is: Write a letter telling some one something that you could never tell them.
And this is where I stand back and go 'hmmmmmm'.
For the most part I live my life to the code of 'If you ask I will tell.' Why? Because it's less stressful that way.
"Do you like my hair hun?" the hubby asks. "It's too freaking short.Don't worry, you're still hot even with stupid hair." The wifey responds.
Most people have heard what I have had to say to them... and what I wouldn't say is probably close to bitching and really depressing. You've been warned.

Rant in 3...


2....


1....

Dear N,
This is old hat but I realize I never said this to your face as clearly as I wanted to. So here it is.
I'm not sorry. We had an understanding, I thought. I wish I could feel less hurt and betrayed but I can't. Just to let you know I have forgiven you and I still love you. But I will NEVER, EVER, I reiterate EVAAAAR let you near Jex again. There were other ways to get his attention and you knew how involved we were. For a while I really really hated you and him and me. That trust can never be completely rebuilt.
~Ashes

Dear Aunt,
You're a witch. Sitting and watching you for the few months I did I was so glad I didn't have to grow up with you. I remember you asking why my super awesome favorite cousin turned out the way she did... well it's pretty much you. At least I can see the soft, broken, human side of grandma. You however, I can't get passed the titanium reinforced casing to see anything. Maybe you've gotten better, maybe you'll get better, but I don't care. If I see you again I'll be cordial and civil but I will not put up with you ever again. I know the hole you wallow in is comfortable but it's damned depressing. I think you'd do better to get out of it and walk in the sunshine of life. God is GOD, if he wants to do a frelling miracle he'll do a frelling miracle! Don't spoon feed people your bull crap about him no longer taking much of an active part of our lives. DON'T tell me the horrifying crap that I experienced as a kid was just a 'night terror'; I didn't choke myself in my sleep, the thing that woke me up wasn't just 'wishful thinking' and the thing it protected me from wasn't 'a hallucenation'. And while I'm at it, LOVE YOUR MOTHER!
Does she deserve it? Not really. She's hurt me emotionally too. But damnit if I can work at loving my mother, and feel bad about trying to hash out things with her about the past because of all the progress she's made, then you can too. While I'm at it, LOVE YOUR FAMILY DAMNIT! Take the time, spend a little gas money, if money is all that tight ask for a little help. If you'd love to see and help us I'm pretty sure we'd love to see you more often. Wouldn't you like to be missed instead of dreaded?
Oh and that email I sent. Not disrespectful. I asked a question straightforward and expected an answer not for you to turn around and email my mother about what a brat I was being. If you're pissed at me tell me you're pissed at me. One day I'll forgive you, because I'll be damned if you make me as bitter as you are. I'm so glad you aren't on facebook, oh God am I glad.
*deep breath* *woo saaa* ~ You're bent neice.

It happens....

Roar... ?
Since Jex left I've kinda lost my will to do much of anything. I know most of you Veteran married peoples are going to be like 'pshaw you young newliweds and calling each other every day to say "I love you!"' He's only been gone for like 16 days! It doesn't matter I want my evil jerk back! I can't get anything done without him around to keep me on track!
But thanks to my friend the Platypus I decided that I need to give my blog more love. I may even post every other day. *Le~gasp*

I'm so excited it's almost HALLOWEEN!!! Gah! Not only do I get to dress how I wish I could dress every day, but I get candy AND presents (since it's my birthday). In less than a week I'm going to make the most chocolatiest birthday cake EVAAAR! Because if I can't have sex fun on my birthday then I'm going to have chocolate, with little cookie tombstones on top. And when I can't eat it all then Beowulf and Superdude at the Green Dragon (my favorite nerdtastic place in Sandland) will probably appreciate a piece or two.

Lets seee... I think I'm on day 13 of the 30 day challenge...
What do we have here?

Share a Secret, huh?

Oooooh that's a tough one. Most of my secrets are secret for a reason. Hell I'm the girl who when asked "what color are your underware?" by dudes looking to freak me out I pulled the band up from the back and looked at it before answering. I don't even know if I have a secret I can share without feeling all freaked out.

Hmmmmm... *strokes imaginary beard* Uh.....

Okay. I think I got one. Right before going to College I had just broken things off with Jex for a myriad of reasons. Between my Parents saying things like "I will not be a part of something I do not condone" and having communication issues with Jex on top of personality traits he picked up from being deployed to an Army base as support in the desert I just couldn't handle it. Love should not be the cause of so much suffering! DAMNIT!
So when I went to College I was like: Woooo! Fresh start!
It was then that I realized how A-sexual I really am. I just don't care about the opposite sex like I'm supposed to. In all honesty I would rather see a woman's body than I man's mostly because the curves are very artistically pleasing. That and the same woman can change shape based on the time of month or the stress she's under.
There were a few guys I thought were pretty cute, like Cowboy and Ceasar (honest to God that is what people called them) but meh. Get us together with pizza and beer and a few video games or whatever and it'd be a party, but meh.
It was then that I thought that I was forever going to be single. Jex was the only guy that really drew me in... ever. Sure I love the crap out of my guy friends. Oh I love love love them (like Marc!). But not like that. It still feels weird sometimes to admit to myself that I really don't feel feminine or masculine at any given time. I just 'am'. Ya know?
Then, LUCKY ME, Jex took the time and money (and if you knew him you would understand why both of these are monumental considerations) to fly from Japan to Okla-freakin-homa to ask for a second chance. How can anyone say 'no' to that?! Not only that but, well, to be honest even though I broke up with him I'd never really wanted to. He's my one and only, I'm pretty sure there can be no other even if he died. So let's hope he stays alive for a good long time. (^_^) Because if he dies I'm screwed.... or rather the opposite there of.

It's ALIIIIIIIVE!!!!

After the last few days all I can say is: HOLY FRIGGEN CRAP!
Unfortunately my wondermus husband took his camera before we had enough breathing space in which I could pull the pictures off of it. Lame-sauce I know. (and after talking with him on the phone he says he doesn't have it, it may have actually been left at my brother in law's... hmmmm)

Everyone get excited for me, I had my first job interview this passed Wednesday and I think it went pretty well. I'm so excited, I really really want to be a librarian! Yay! ... though technically it's an 'assistant librarian' position... doesn't matter I totally have the glasses for it. (^_^)Y

Alrighty, in celebration of surviving being in different states four weekends in a row I'll do a day of my 30 day challenge.

Day 12: A picture of something you don't like.

Oh the pastabilities... I don't like a lot of things. It's probably easier for me to come up with a list of stuff I don't like than stuff I do like.
But for the sake of my efforts to be more positive I'm just going to choose one.

Strategy board games.... ugh...



I don't like them because I'm bad at them. Honestly I win about 51% of the time. I just don't like them. I feel bad, or bored, or just darn drained after I play them, and since I play games to have fun these are not the games for me.

Day 10: because the internet gods are with me...

I have a head cold! *cough hack wheeze* But that's okay, theraflu is awesome so I should be in the clear in no time.... I hope.
We're still alive. Turns out we're not the only ones with wanderlust. Daddio and Witchy are driving to Texas tomorrow to help sort out all the stuff that was left when Grandma Velma died. But we're here, and in one piece, and with the internet! Yay! I forgot how good it feels to type up a blog post while chillaxing in bed.

Okay so Day 10 of the 30 day challenge is yet another deep/aneurism causing topic: A Story about a past relationship.

*sigh* I'm going to go with a happy story!

There was once a little girl named Ashes, who really wanted some one to play with. She'd look out the window wistfully and watch the leaves on the tremendously tall trees dance in the sunlight.
Soon her mother was going to take her somewhere else, somewhere she could play with kids her own age. It was hard for her to make friends because she wasn't good at showing her feelings with her face or her words. Just her actions. That made the other kids mad. Especially the boys because she could beat them up while keeping her pretty dress clean.
There was another little girl named Aubrey. Who was just as fun and rowdy as Ashes. They had seen each other a lot when they were too tiny to remember and soon they would see each other again.
They would laugh until Ashes got hiccups. Bury toys in the sand box. Spend the nights laughing and playing with all the neat toys that Aubrey's family could afford. They would play catch with a sky dancer and Aubrey would freak out Ashes with a demon possessed Furby (though Aubrie didn't think it was demon possessed). Together they would discover the wonderful terror that came from watching Jurassic Park and having a kitten on a water bed.
Overtime their relationship would grow into the first 'best friend' Ashes had ever known. If they could have predicted the future maybe they would have remained so.
But time is a fickle friend and likes to pull things apart.
Ashes moved to Texas and the girl's mother's had a 'falling out'. Even though they stopped speaking and no longer would call each other their 'best friend' the memories are still precious. The impact still there.
The laughter though long since faded still echoes to this day.

Dear God, I thank you for giving me the time to blog...

Okay so last night Jex and I got home from our trip to Massachusetts. We're poor, so I packed up all the food from our fridge and we drove over 2,000 miles and 36 hours alltogether so that we could be part of our great friend's big day. I was a bride's maid! *squeeee!*
Missy was beautiful and Shaun was dashing. They really do complete each other and I pray for their continued oneness. Even though Missy is more of a deist than I am she appreciates the sentiment. And somewhere on the internet is a video of Terrace (the maid of honor) and me doing 'the creep' by ourselves on the dance floor. Maybe even one of us head banging to the techno 'Barbra Streisand' song.
Jex and I pulled up to our Apt near 9pm last night. We get today to unpack, repack, and clean before leaving tomorrow night at around 9pm to drive 6 hours to my in-laws. Tony LOVES fright fest at 6flags. Since he's been through open heart surgery this year we're going to celebrate it with him. Then at some indeterminate time we have to drive 6 hours back in order for my husband to fly to someplace to do something for too long away from me for his work. Yay OPSEC! (opsec is the acronym for: Operational Security..... it means don't post military details where just anyone can get a hold of them. And it may make a some of my posts about Jex really vague.)

Anyhow, pictures and other such funness from the trip will have to wait. I've got 5 minutes in which to get home and get things situated.

30 day challenge Day 10: Someone or Something you're proud of.
Holy Crap.... do they do this on purpose. There isn't just one of these things in my life!
Bah, you're about to get a laundry list of photos I can steal from other people's face book pages. *evil laugh*

Marrying Jex... Probably the best decision I've ever made in my life. Ever.

I'm so proud of Norie and Laura and all the other friends that I couldn't find good pictures of

I'm proud that I can put on a Yukata (pictured below) and a Kimono on by myself. A feat that even many Japanese can't accomplish.

I'm super proud of my little brother Rocker. This is a picture of him and his band. He's the only one who looks bad ass (to the left of the kid in the front).... he's also the only American. lol

Well that's it for the next week or so. If there's anything left of me I'll be back here, same bat time, same bat channel.... same batty personality. (^_^) Y


.... I forgot one.... so I came back because this was a really big highlight in my life....

I'm proud of being able to sword fight with real steel. Yup.... it's awesome.

Day 9: NO!

So I'm about to go and drive 18 hours (plus bathroom breaks and gas stops) to be a bride's maid in my friends Missy and Shaun's wedding. I thought before I disappeared for 4 days I'd do another blog post... Now, however, I am sorely regretting it.
Because Day 9 is: Short term goals for this month.

Seriously, pick the one thing that is nearly impossible for me. Goals for the day I can do, goals for the week are iffy at best, but goals for the month, NO!

*Ahem* But I'll try. Since it's the end of September I'll think about October.
Thinking.....
.......Thinking
Okay, so October is the month my birthday is in..... ummmmmmm....

Got it! I'm going to exercise at least 4 days a week. Go through my closet and get rid of what I don't wear, and get a job! A JOB I SAY! Really I think I might break down and look for a job on craigslist. *sadface*

Day 8: Who's your daddy?!

So Day 8 tells me to: Post a picture of some one or something that has had a great impact on you.

No pressure. It's not like when something asks you for a best friend in a public forum or anything.
There are so many ways I could answer this that would make so many people angry.
Yay me!

Hmmmm.... Well I'm actually stupidly impressionable so I'm going to pull a Marianna Annadanna and post a bunch of stuff.


Starting with My Mom and Dad. Because you can't be raised by some one without them impacting you massively. For better or worse I am a amalgam of these two people's quirks, strengths and weaknesses, along with some of my own I invented along the way.




My College Buddies Norie Minegishi and Laura Louda. Oh my gosh I miss you guys almost every single day!


The Chika's I spent the week with in San Antonio. From left to right Brianna Swaim (who I've known since middle school, actually I credit her for my survival in middle school) Pingping, Me, XingYi, and Kamry Murell. Best people to ever spend a weekend alone in a stranger's house with! Gah! I love you guys!


I just love this picture. Brianna and Norie with Thea (Brianna's roommate) and me.


Jesus, Yeshua, Christ... whatever you want to call him. God's son and I'm stickin' to it.



Notice that these aren't in order. I haven't gotten to the stage of life where I'm super organized from the get go.
So, when I was a little kid these were the things that molded my personality and interests the most.

Sailor Moon! No joke I can totally still sing the theme song. I have a few Sailor Moon DVD's that I watch when I get depressed, anyways so my dad sat down one day and watched a little bit with me and in the middle of the episode turns to me and says: "They act like you! No really, all these characters act like you! Especially that Ray girl."
Thanks dad... (-_-)



Dragon Ball Z, I seriously watched this show when I was 7. And boy did I idolize Picccolo (he's the green guy) and future Trunks (the dude with the sword). I have very vivid memories of watching the Freeza saga with my sister and having my first gender crisis. We couldn't for the life of us tell who was a girl and who was a guy till they spoke and even then it was kinda shady.



Here it is. The computer program that made me a nerd for the rest of my life. Thanks to this little baby I decided that I was going to learn every language in the world when I was 7. Yes, the entire world. It also instilled in me a love for culture, especially asian culture for some weird reason. And actually it was Ecarta 94 or 95 but I couldn't find a picture of it online. This one's close enough.

Day 7: Free time? PSHAW!

Hi! The next two weekends might kill me so... Thank you Everyone for your lovely comments. They made my life a better place. Especially Dazee, you so rock my socks!

Alright, so Day 7 of the 30 day challenge is: A Hobby you have.

I would say Gundam building. I really like model kits, but we have no space so I haven't built any in a while.

BTW this is a Gundam: It's called "Heavy Arms" and I LOVE IT!


But yeah this is what I used to to when I had free time.
I want to get into Sewing, but I don't quite have the monies for the industrial sewing machine I want. Oh yes, that badboy has to sew through leather.

Day 6: A Picture Again?! And a little jingle

Helloes! On a Nerd note I'm absolutely DYING for Final Fantasy XII: Versus to finally make it's release. I've literally been waiting for it for the last 3 years! And I just found out that Square Enix is finally giving it %100 for production. It still won't be out until 2013, but that's ok because if I put aside $5 a month till it comes out I'll have more than enough money to freaking Pre-order the crap out of it!

Today is day 6 of my 30 day (cut my eyes out with a spoon) challenge: A picture of somewhere you've been.

Though tempted to post a picture of my bathroom I decided to give you guys a little eye candy.

This is the shrine in Towada Japan, it's near Towada lake which is a huge volcanic crater that filled with the coldest most delicious water ever. I've never been there in the winter, but this was the best picture the internet would give me (like I've said before I borrow internet and computer away from my apartment). The caretakers of the shrine have a cute little welch corgie, which made my sister really happy. Good Gracious I miss all the festivals! Towada's summer festival is where I got my first taste of Heaven Black Sesame ice cream. *sooo goooooood*



And here is the video I said I'd post for Dazee's song. I look totally awesome mid-blink. Haaa~ (-_-)"

Dazee's song from Angharad on Vimeo.

Tomorrow I'm going to do a Cheesy Challenge instead of a 30 day one. It'll be a nice break from freaking out when asked to post a picture of something.

Day 5: These people really like the number 15...

Hi!
I'm still doing this 30 day challenge thing. Now that I'm on day 5 I understand the challenging part of it: Finishing the Dern Thing! I don't think I can keep doing this. *over dramatic faint*

Today is Day 05- List 15 songs that represent your life’s soundtrack.

HA! Is this the 'day to day' sound track or the 'up till now' sound track. Because I have a great song for my middle school years and all the crap that is dealing with other 13 year old girls who are trying to reconcile who they are, who they want to be, and who their mom's are trying to forcibly mold them to be beside who society says they should be. (^_^) hehe

And what is it with the person who made this and the number 15?! Is that this guy's favorite number or something. What about 10 or 7? Those are nice numbers. Although I should be glad s/he wasn't a total nut and made everything the number 30... I'd be screwed.

I guess I'll make a"general" sound track. The daily sound track would be really confusing depending on the day. And the entire life soundtrack would be too long.

The Life of Ashes: the sound track! Comming soon to Virgin Records.

1. A Pumpkin is Born!
2. Yay I did it!
3. The moment's when the World Explodes.
4. Dating
5. Death
6. Germany
7. Japan
8. And more Japan (and we thought NSync was bad)
9. Reverse culture shock
10. ARGH! ARGH I SAY!
11. Fun! So much Nerdness!
12. 5 more minutes... zzzzzzz
13. I don't feel so hot.
14. Hahahahahahahaha!
15. I did not just do/say that... *sigh*

You don't have to watch or listen to any of them. But here they are!

Ha! I sang the song and recorded the video and got it online... but wouldn't you know my NOT youtube account needs several hours to process because I'm poor and can't afford to be a 'plus' member. And I have to get back home to Kq!b' (Kyaba, the puppy who is probably doing the potty dance right now. *exasperated sigh*

Day 3: Picture? Crap!

Okay so I'm on borrowed... everything. So I'm going to see if Google can bring up a picture for me. Since today is:

Day 3: A Picture of something you can't live without.

If I have to type the above again I'm going to just scrap this post and move onto the next one. Because I'm really primed for ranting about people and stupid and what happens when they can't seem to let go of one another.

*Ahem* So Maybe Google can help me find a picture.

Blood. Can't live without the stuff.

Maybe they didn't mean for me to take it so literally. I was going to find a picture of bacteria but decided that was a little strange. hehehe.

Besides, it goes with my mood today. Oh these days that make the other days seem so much nicer in comparison; how a loathe yet understand the need for your existence.

Well... until the next time I have internet,

When life gives you Lemons, make grape juice.

I did not just do that...

Alright, so I really just want to rant about something going on in my immediate family. But I won't because today I get to rant about something else.

Day 4: A Habit You Wish You Didn't Have.

I wish I didn't have the habit of neurosis. I freak out over every little speed bump that happens in my life. It doesn't matter if YOU can see the sudden pandemonium that shoots through me like a shot of adrenaline, I'm very aware of every screaming siren of "OH MY GOD YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT!!!!" wailing just behind my eyes.

This is a habit right? Not just some mental disorder?
Well if this is just a mental disorder and I need to seek help I guess my most hated habit would be PROCRASTINATION.
I'll do it after whatever it is I'm pretending to do, in some random number of minutes, tomorrow, next week... ect.
Then the day before whatever the heck I put off is supposed to be done I run around like a chicken with my right wing, left leg, and one eye ball missing trying to fix it! Or come up with clever excuses that include Brownies (the magical creatures not the tasty chocolaty goodness), unplanned naps, and other events becoming much more time consuming than is completely true.
Whatever the case I might actually be the person I want so desperately to be if I could actually DO STUFF instead of reading that fanfiction for several hours. *guilty grin*


PS: I told Dazee that I'd upload me singing her song in my next post. This has sadly become a lie, since 'honest to God' my camera was dead. Then when I found batteries that actually worked I lost the lyrics, tried to sing it anyways, remembered most of it but forgot the end, and then felt like a total tard when I realized the dog was very concerned for me. So, amendment, I will post a video of me singing Dazee's awesome song, much to my chagrin and other's amusement, when I remember to. (note: No Brownies, elves, gnomes, or faeries= not an excuse)

Day 2: What do you mean?!

Woooo! 2 in a row!
Now let's see if I can get this done before I have to run back to my Apartment to make dinner.

The second day of the 30 day challenge blog thing is:

What is the meaning of your blog?

In truth I started this blog with the intentions of it being mostly pictures and 'Vlogs' of my life so that my family could feel connected to me. You see I am THE WORST PENPAL EVER! And losing your first kid to marriage is a pretty hard deal when said child just doesn't think of calling or writing on a regular basis.

Funny thing is, I don't think my family even reads my blog. I know they lost the link to it and I had to resend it to them. Honestly they may have only seen it once or twice. I don't know.

The great thing is this blog has lead me to meet some really cool people: Dazee, Mama Fargo, the Opto-mom, Marrianna Annadanna, Rachel, and Chicken! Not only that but I get to keep in contact with my friend in Japan, Norie and all her wonderfully deep thoughts about reverse culture shock and readjusting to one's home country or just what her job was like that day.

Now I really don't think my blog has much of a meaning other than just a glorified diary right now. But that's fine, maybe it's something some one somewhere can read and have a laugh. Laughter is required for any semblance of sanity. Or maybe something that I write will make some one feel better about themselves ("Oh thank God I don't write like that 2 dimensional nerd"). If it can serve a purpose at all I'll be happy.

The 30 day blogger challenge? Sure!

I've seen these on Facebook, 30 days of pictures, notes, statuses and what have you. I enjoy reading other people's stuff and wondering who the heck had the time to think of this list?! But I rarely ever join.
You see, I'm an observer. You know that creepy person in the corner who just watches everything? That's me! I'm deciding wether or not to join the shenanagans or figuring out the food chain and wether or not I want to try and break it. lol

Well, since Marianna Annadanna over at Snappy Surprise was nice enough to ask people to join her (at least when we felt like it or whatever) I'm actually going to try.
Like my comerade in blogs This 30 day blog challenge will probably turn out to be something in the neighborhood of 60-90 days. And depending on what internets I can get my hands on is wether or not I get to post pictures.
Day 01- Introduction, a recent photo, and 15 interesting facts about yourself.

Okay... My name is Ashes, sorta, if you've known me in the past 9 years then I'm Rem or Redd, if you met me before I moved overseas you probably use the name I never identified with and therefore stopped useing.
I like to be an open book, but my pages are out of order so... yeah.
Recent picture huh? Lets see if I can't jerry rig the interwebs.

HA! Take that "this operation is not allowed based on current security settings" !!! Widows were made to be broken... 'ahem' Anyway I'm the one on the far left smiling like an idiot. The guy next to me is a new friend I just made, trouble... er Chris, and the guy next to him is Rudi, the main guitarist for my favorite band Within Temptation.. Far left is one of my best friends, Sonya. That picture was actually taken this past Monday.

Alright, on to the 15 'interesting' facts:

1. When I'm nervous I keep talking, because eventually I hope I'll sound as intellegent as I do in my head.
2. The above never works.
3. In my head I am rather intellegent, genious even!
4. I don't like water being on my person. In me, fine. On me, NO!
5. I'm afraid of the ocean, not only is it a huge bottomless body of water *shivers* but there are SHARKS in it!6. If I could be anything else I would be a dragon. Because no one would bother me knowing that in my eyes they are crunchy and good with ketchup.
7. The world we live in bores me. No really, all this high tech stuff, social networking, video game systems, corperations, I don't care there's no adventure in it.
8. I am however a huge final fantasy fangirl, though I've only ever actually completely finished one final fantasy game: crisis core.
9. Now that I'm at number Nine 15 seems like a rideculous ammount of facts about oneself.
10. I wish more people used the term 'one' or 'oneself' instead of 'you' or 'I' when talking about hypotetical instances. I also really like terms like betwixt (between) mahaps (maybe) and mislike (don't like).
11. One day, when I grow up, I'm going to have a garden where everything is pretty AND edible.
12. I can't keep houseplants alive. I've killed a sunflower, a cactus (no I didn't over water it, I followed the directions to the letter, thank you very much), and countless other 'easy to care for' plants.
13. I was a virgin when I got married. No joke, and holy crap was that night traumatizing.
14. When I was 7 I was going to learn every language in the world, be a veteranarian, a pediatrition, have hair like repunzel, AND build the first viable giant robot that could be used in place of tanks in WW3, because every 7 year old knows it's only a matter of time before there's another one of those wars.
15. I'm very glad this is over, I was seriously beginning to think that my personality is so 2 demetional that I wouldn't be able to come up with a 15th 'interesting' fact. *phew*

Well either spell check isn't working or I surprised myself by spelling everything correctly (highly unlikely, but for the sake of my fragile ego we'll just go with that. hehe). Anyways, if anyone wants to join me on this bandwagon of bloggerly fun link up your posts in my comments (if I don't already subscribe to you). I'm an observer and I'd love to see what you have to say about whatever we're doing on that particular number. Heck you'll probably be done with this thing faster than I will. (^_^)Y

See you next week, same Bat time, Same Bat channel... till then: Love many, trust few and allways paddle your own canoe!