Thursday, October 21, 2010

New Again?

Today I sat down and caught up.
Caught up with people and places I'd love to be near.
Making plans and wondering about myself and those around me.

I'm in a new place. Kind of. I lived here once, when I was a different person, in a different time. I wonder if I have changed as much as I feel I have not.

I wonder why I keep to myself when all I really want is some kind of community inclusion. It's a learned behavior I hadn't realized I'd learned.
Odd, when I think about it. Because, my mother is the queen of keeping in touch. She keeps her circle always open and expanding.
I do not. So, I wonder why.

I don't talk much, and when I do I babble incecently.

I'm spending a lot of time alone and it gives me time to think. To think about America and the things I don't understand about it.
Politics and such. The drive to out do those around me in some way. The individual focus from person to person whilst trying to meld into a connected whole. America is as much a contradiction as I am; or so I feel at times.
How much time, as humans, we spend processing things to the inth degree. I don't know what the word 'inth' means... but I think it's a way of saying minute, tiny, closest possible... is 'inth' even a word? Spell check says 'nth' is a word... what the heck?!

While studying languages I have to use an English dictionary to decipher what they're trying to explain to me. It's funny that my own language is almost as foreign to me as the one I'm studying. After about an hour though I stop laughing and put away the books out of sheer frustration.

I'm glad I got caught up. It makes me feel more whole.