Sunday, November 14, 2010

NaNoWriMo, Depression, and Spirituality

NaNoWriMo: Idea is still clear, but my period has killed my drive.
Really, all I want to do is lay in bed and snuggle into warm pillows. I don't want to surf the net, write my campy but awesome story, or even watch cartoons! *le~gasp!* I've already promised myself I'd write 5K words today.
If my husband keeps hogging the bed and keeping me up I think I'll get it done before midnight.

Depression: I haven't had to deal with my depressant phases in a while. Not since our dog died. Thus I was very confused when I couldn't find any happy yesterday. The dark gloomy cloud I'm naming Tut-tut seems to have snuck into today as well. Hmmmm.... I must need more chocolate.

Spirituality: For those of you less Spiritually inclined just ignore this part of the post. Or read it if you want; you have been warned.
Church, something which has lost nearly all of its meaning to me. Nearly every time I talk to some one there's some kind of veneer over their face. They're more plastic versions of themselves and yet some how you can always see in their eyes how (in)sincere they are.
Recently I was very disappointed in a preacher who actually gave a lesson counter to the book that we're supposed to believe in. You know the holy one that bad translations of hide away in lots of hotel room nightstands. (haha! beating around the bush is fun!)
In retaliation we didn't show up this Sunday. Ha! take that big gathering of people who I don't know personally anymore. Instead we went to a chapel service on the base for several reasons, some of them being secret and stuff.
I was really upset. There was still no family bonding like there is supposed to be in a Church that professes to follow the Way the Truth and the Light, but the message was good and clear. It hit me as I think a message from Isaiah or Samuel would have.
Somewhere along the lines of growing up and changing into the married side of life I'd gotten back some old habits I thought I'd fought away. I'm still so stuck on other people loving and accepting me all the time that I compromise my everything. Somehow I've lost track of God and how exactly his total Awesome fits next to my life.
At times God is my everything that is secret, instead of just my everything that is.
What is God to me? What do I call the being that brought the universe into existence? What does he tell us he is?

So yeah that about sums it up. (^_^)Y


  1. It may take much much time and many years for us to find a place to feel "this is my home". The only thing we can do is that we need to accept ourselves that have wonderful days and awful/sad days together in our lives.

    Feeling depression is very stressful. I understand that way. I hope you can find a home of yours at the church and a place you are in as early as possible. I don't share Him with you, but I hope everything works out for you.

    Your English is very beautiful to get the point as a human being, always. :)

  2. Awww! Thank you Norie, you really encourage me a lot!