I'm going to try harder to update my blog.
Life has found a pattern for me. This is why I do not often write. I feel like I am only reiterating things already spoken. Wearing down thoughts till they are only a stub of the monumental discovery they used to be.
I move, I don't have a kitchen, I find a happy place, there is much disappointment. I study culture and language and learn more about myself.
Recently though, something did happen to me that was out of the cycle.
I was stupid and got scammed. Yes, some one took my money and I let them because I wasn't paying attention. However I have since then reversed the damage and kept any farther loss from happening.
This lesson that I have learned is both humbling and empowering.
I am humbled, knowing that my intelligence isn't as far reaching as I once thought. So now I can be kinder and not judge others I deem to have 'done something stupid'.
I am empowered, knowing that though I am sometimes unintelligent I have the ability to somewhat undo the damage of those poor choices. The bad things I do don't have the power to drag me down as long as I fight them.
Keeping this new experience in mind I'm going to try to fight my negative emotions. Often times I feel like the dark feelings are a big steam roller and I'm the road. On the contrary I am me, I can run, dodge, move out of the way, and maybe one day take total control of that big rolling mass that is my dark side. I feel confident, though it make take many years, that I can do this now.
In other news, I'm writing a Novel for NaNoWriMo (national, something, writer's, month) and I'm super excited! I love the chaotic idea my friends and husband helped me come up with.
*whispers* You see, I'm writing about Zombies and Dragons. *giggles* Figure that one out.
The plot is fairly simple and straight forward, I didn't want to get tangled up with too many loose ends seeing as how I'm writing my first draft in only 30 days. I have to admit I'm really loving the light stress of it. I fell behind a little yesterday and didn't get a chapter done like I'd planned. So, today, I'm going to catch up by writing the rest of the chapter I didn't finish and try for two more chapters.
If you want I can post little excerpts of the text here so you can get a feel for the book. Just keep in mind that this is a rough draft. I'm more worried about getting the ideas onto the page than it looking or sounding very smart.
I wish all my friends, and whatever random readers stumbles on to this, the best of luck in life, love, and learning.
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