Wednesday, June 30, 2010

A battle to find myself in America

I feel so discouraged right now. I have tried to be positive in my search to find an American subculture that I can identify with just a little. The closest I've come is the Military subculture. However I'm finding that the cultural climate is COMPLETELY different in the Military subculture of America compared to the American Military Bases overseas. There's no community, just the self.
Same with the Christian subculture, no one feels like a brother or a sister, everyone leaves as soon as the last prayer is said, no words to each other, no smiles. I've found one place that is an actual family, unfortunately it's too far away to visit very often.
Just recently, on FaceBook (which I am growing to dislike more and more everyday), I thought it was perfectly acceptable in the American culture to be bold with one's opinions and beliefs even as far as to make up days of celebration. After all America is a culture of creation, right? Of equality and justice? Isn't that what they teach us? There are hardly any traditions I can find that are distinctly American, so there's not much to mess up on, shouldn't that be so?
Not really. You see, if you mimic someone in order to feel less like a doormat you're hating. If you say anything that is in opposition to a minority you're a supremest who needs to get on with the times. We're a land of Political Correctness and egg shells, where the most abrasive ideas overtake the ones who play by the rules.
Doesn't the status quo get lonely and feel unappreciated when they are the only one's not allowed to celebrate, always having to be careful what we say, what we do? Why are we less important than the other schools of thought?
America feels like a place of opposition. A Place where we are inundated with philosophy that turns the world into gray and blurs the lines of what is right and what is wrong. Then we are told that our opinions are important, and what we think of as right is right and we should fight for it. Who the hell thought that was a good idea?! Did no one see that this is the kind of stuff that tears countries apart? That makes a North and South, turns families against each other, makes it hard to understand.
It is so hard for me to find a place I want to be in America when this is what I run into. My thoughts are depreciated because they are not another's. Because my faith is based on the definition of faith I am somehow ignorant.
How are we to unite if we're always dividing ourselves?
I want to focus on similarities, not differences. The differences are more than capable of focusing on themselves.
I don't want to be a typical American. I will just be me. I'm okay with that. I will be respectful and kind, but I will not be a doormat. I will be bold and courageous and find the place where I am needed, even if I am not wanted.
And in the process I will cry, I will hurt, parts of me may change or even die. Good for me that I hold tight to a faith that cradles me and promotes truth and not opinion.


  1. I don't know how you exactly feel, but I think feeling negative is very important for people. Because of such feeling, people need to focus on the reasons why they feel. They don't like to keep feeling negative, so they will think. Thinking is the only way for them to feel better. ;(

    I don't know what I can tell you. I just think you will need to what you think is the best. If you think writing your thoughts is the way, then, you will need to write about your thoughts. If you think something different, then, you will choose "it."

    I'm so sorry you feel that way. Culture or America or even my home, I do think living in a specific place is very difficult for us. I do think that way. It's difficult, but you needn't give on up America.

    By the way, I like your saying, "I don't want to be a typical American" because I think "I don't want to be a typical Japanese." And at least, for me, thinking deeply functions as a way to avoid becoming such a Japanese. ...

    I hope you feel that's Okay again and that my English makes sense. :)

  2. I love you Norie! You're one of the best friends I've ever had! You are soooo Awesome!