I've been slightly fanatical about the World Cup this last week. Right now, as I'm typing I'm also watching the game between Honduras and Chile. It's like watching acrobats without tight ropes and other height implements. I like it!
The best game so far has been the game between Japan and Camaroon. I really got into it. Maybe because I feel that a little part of me is still in Japan, maybe because I have little faith in the American team, whatever the reason it was an especially exiting game for me.
Actually, Germany has a special place in my heart. I actually almost cried when I found out I'd missed the game between Germany and Australia. I even started going through bags and boxes to find my Deutschland (<-- "Germany" in German) hat.
Everything I feel while watching the World Cup reminds me of some of the blogs and FB status messages that my friend Norie has posted recently. I'm and American, it says so on my passport, on my birth certificate, my parents are American. But, I don't feel like an American, I don't think like an American all the time. In fact, many many times I think and feel like a foreigner, not only to myself but to the people around me. The more I think about it, the more I realize I have no country; No 'homeland'. My culture was Never the American culture, it was my family and the church we went to. Without my parents and siblings I felt lost, but I still had the same kind of church to go to. Now, with moving around all the time and various other issues, I don't even have much of a 'church home'. So, what do I hold onto? What group do I fit into?
As humans we're always trying to fit in, and always trying to stand out. I don't think we know what we want. We categorize people for quick access to understanding or knowledge, but we get upset when some one stereotypes us. We want the best of both worlds; to have the comfort and security of a group of similar people around us but stand out as a unique individual.
I just want to be able to tell people in a few words who and what I am. But I don't even have the words.
Reading my friend's blog and FaceBook stuff has made me realize that I've been running and hiding from the question of culture now that I'm back in America. I don't want to be an American but I'm not German enough to be German, or Japanese enough to be Japanese. Maybe that's the problem, I don't want to be an American.
Miss me much?
3 months ago
I do understand how you feel... the more we know about inter-culture, the less we feel we get involved into a group or something to feel "I am a member of the group(s)."
ReplyDeleteI think our cultural perspective seems to be interesting and deep because of our experience not many people can share. That's why it IS interesting but at the same time, that is also making people feel more confused and lost something called "home."I think you've helped me a lot since I came home.
Or you seem to wait for me back to Japan to see how I would be feeling to be my 'home.'
I don't know how long I'd have such isolation or whatever, but I don't think I can be back to a typical Japanese. And I absolutely am not an American. I think nothing belongs to me and I don't belong to anything: that should be my style in my life. I don't know but I think I do have such style.
Or I could think that way: nothing seems to be belong to me, but I myself can belong everything.
There seem to be no endings for writing and thinking. I'm going to have breakfast and think about your posting all day long today. ;)
Your weblog is very interesting for me. I love this so much!
Thank you Norie. I'm glad I can help a little bit. You're words and thoughts always encourage me and give me the boost I need to stop avoiding things and meet them head on instead.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad we can share ideas and perspectives with each other, it makes me feel less lonely.