I've been slightly fanatical about the World Cup this last week. Right now, as I'm typing I'm also watching the game between Honduras and Chile. It's like watching acrobats without tight ropes and other height implements. I like it!
The best game so far has been the game between Japan and Camaroon. I really got into it. Maybe because I feel that a little part of me is still in Japan, maybe because I have little faith in the American team, whatever the reason it was an especially exiting game for me.
Actually, Germany has a special place in my heart. I actually almost cried when I found out I'd missed the game between Germany and Australia. I even started going through bags and boxes to find my Deutschland (<-- "Germany" in German) hat.
Everything I feel while watching the World Cup reminds me of some of the blogs and FB status messages that my friend Norie has posted recently. I'm and American, it says so on my passport, on my birth certificate, my parents are American. But, I don't feel like an American, I don't think like an American all the time. In fact, many many times I think and feel like a foreigner, not only to myself but to the people around me. The more I think about it, the more I realize I have no country; No 'homeland'. My culture was Never the American culture, it was my family and the church we went to. Without my parents and siblings I felt lost, but I still had the same kind of church to go to. Now, with moving around all the time and various other issues, I don't even have much of a 'church home'. So, what do I hold onto? What group do I fit into?
As humans we're always trying to fit in, and always trying to stand out. I don't think we know what we want. We categorize people for quick access to understanding or knowledge, but we get upset when some one stereotypes us. We want the best of both worlds; to have the comfort and security of a group of similar people around us but stand out as a unique individual.
I just want to be able to tell people in a few words who and what I am. But I don't even have the words.
Reading my friend's blog and FaceBook stuff has made me realize that I've been running and hiding from the question of culture now that I'm back in America. I don't want to be an American but I'm not German enough to be German, or Japanese enough to be Japanese. Maybe that's the problem, I don't want to be an American.
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