Guys... guys... I'm going to be a mom. Two weeks from now it could happen at anytime and I'd be considered 'full term.'
I'm not freaking out. noooooo.
Ok so I'm totally freaking out a little.
Mostly because of how my life is going to shift. I'm afraid I'm going to fail at stuff, wifey stuff. My patience might die a horrible death. The dog might get really needy (I don't deal well with that). In laws that will suddenly feel more of a need to put their fingers in my life (so far they've been awesome, but there's this thing called 'baby rabies' and I fear this will infect them).
Everything is going to be just a little bit harder. Moving, travelling, shopping, getting ready, absolutely everything is going to be a little bit harder.
I don't even want to think about baby sitters and rates and money and school and, and... and!!! *deep breath*
It's not like I haven't LONGED for this day. There were times when we were trying to have kids that I broke down and cried because it wasn't happening. I really really want to be a parent. Maybe it's just because I haven't had really good sleep for a while now. Maybe it's just hormones. Who knows really? I just know I'm getting really nervous.
I'm also totally psyching myself out. There have been so many stories circulating around my groups of friends on the book of face about horrible things that happen just before, during, and after the baby finally arrives. I guess they're supposed to be inspirational stories or something. A 2 year old being struck by a car in a parking lot and dying, but the family totally forgives the driver and there's this weird happy ending scenario that I can't even remember because "Nooooo! not the baby!" *cries* Moms that have still births and how they overcome the grief. Horrifying stories of really bad OB's that do something stupid and kill a kid during birth or a C-section and that's why we need to over haul our medical care system or something. All in the last, month or so I think (I can't keep tabs on time), it's popped up and it's giving me nightmares and little panic attacks. *sigh*
It's going to be a change, regardless of what happens. No doubt my world will get spun on it's head. I'm told that it's an awesome adventure.
Till that day I'll try to keep my heart as calm as I can, because ~