Monday, June 4, 2012

The color of the day

In American English it means to be sad on some level or another.
In German it means you're drunk.
Quite the difference; depending on what kind of drunk you are.

Today is a Blue day. It's raining, I'm tired for some unknown reason, Eve's Curse is due any day now, and I don't want to be on the base. Though these may contribute to the color of the day, I don't think they make it themselves.
I've told you before that the women in my family are crazy. Not crazy in a bad way necessarily, but most of them have have to seek out a way to balance whatever throws us off into a random deep-end. My mother is anxious, my grandmother is depressed, I don't remember what the other two figured out for themselves at the moment but they had something that threw them off too. Sometimes I freak out and I feel like running to the nearest doctor that can evaluate me and see if I need help as well. God knows I probably have bipolar, or anxiety through the roof, or my brain is all kinds of chemically screwed!
Yet, other times I have this weird peace and I just know that the day is going to be a color, I can lighten the opacity or let it completely blind me, but no matter what the day will be that color. And today is a blue day.

Here's the thing though: I'm not allowed to have blue days.
Where did this hang up come from? I can't rightly say. Maybe it's leftovers from memories I can't quite grasp. Maybe it was something some one impressed upon me. Happiness is a choice! But sometimes it doesn't really feel that way. Perhaps it's that super 'take care of everyone' thing that is part of the core of my person; I have to radiate happy so that the people I love and care about can be happy. Or maybe it's the insecurity that sits snugly beside all my good points and shouts that "no one wants to see your sad face! if you show it to them they'll find you depressing and you'll have no friends!"
Whatever it is it's really really hard to be around people on blue days. Especially the people who mean the most to me.

Today is a blue day, but I can lighten the opacity. Blue is a beautiful color; I've never found it sad. I think that we should call some one Gray when they're sad; not Blue. Blue is the color of the sky, of the bird that is the symbol of happiness. Blue is an amazing butterfly, and a bright flower. Blue is a delicious berry, and my favorite comfy shirt.
Blue can tint my day and be more like the German meaning than the American.

Today is a blue day, but it's also a good day.

1 comment:

  1. oh little blue girl. cheer up. I hate the rain too. It always depresses me. Have a cookie, or a poppyseed muffin. that always makes me feel better.