Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Pregnancy, the great inflater.

Not only does it inflate your midsection, your face, and your appetite for [insert random and slightly weird item here] it also inflates what you feel.

No kidding. You can expect to bawl over a happy cat food commercial for any number of "reasons" or laugh for 10 minutes about your husband's chest hair... because fuzzy?

What's not as fun is when you have a legitimate unhappiness. Like today for me, I'm really lonely. I miss my friends, my family, I miss fall, I miss my husband who is working his ass off right now. Everything, I'm missing everything that I could possibly miss. I want to go back 'home' to Wohlsfeld, I want to go back 'home' to Misawa, I want to go back 'home' to Charleston and play with the gamers and talk with Mr Scott and Ms Adrianna. I am legitimately upset and lonely and the hormones are making it hard to deal with in a very mature way.

I feel like a little kid. Pouting in a corner for whatever totally justified, totally childish, reason. It hurts my pride that I can't just see the feelings, accept them, shake them off and keep going today. Part of me wonders if this is what it's like for people who actually have clinical depression (I think a lot of things get misdiagnosed/ overdiagnosed but totally believe these conditions exist). It makes my heart ache for anyone who has to fight this stuff on the regular.

I feel like everyone focuses on the physical aspects of pregnancy. How much you'll throw up, gain, eat, weird hormonal side effects. Sometimes in the weird hormones bit of a book they glaze over depression and other emotional things that will get inflated. Lots of people are like: "If you feel depressed seek help!" but no one ever goes into detail and for some one who is usually very capable in dealing with these things it's really hard to understand.
Well who do I talk to? Why can't I just buck up and do what needs to be done like I usually can? When will my face be dry again? lol But, really it's hard to know what to do, or even what kind of help you really need.

Do you just need a friend to listen to you whine, give you a hug, and then go out for milkshakes? Or do you need legitimate professional help? Wandering aimlessly around a pregnancy forum, hoping someone will hold a conversation with you, trying not to cry because no one is online you feel like bugging with your negativity, and having zero drive to actually do anything productive, what does all that tell you to do? I think it could easily be either. I think that some one with these same feelings could need to talk to an actual therapist to find the root of the issue. I also think another person in the same boat might just need some ice cream with a friend.

It's so hard to pinpoint the proper response. So I'm blogging! Because writing is totally my coping mechanism and some one wandering the vastness of the internet might end up here and relate. I want them to know that it's gonna be ok. Start with that awesome sauce milk shake and work your way up from there. Pregnancy is a crazy roller coaster ride in one way or another, for some it's totally about baby weight and back pain, and for others it's all about what's going on inside our heads and hearts.

I think next time I'll complain about how obsessed women are with how much weight they'll gain. lol

The light heart lives long, my lovlies, it really does. (^_^)

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